Great sickness is hitting

I have finished my exercise and weighed in. Bit disappointed but at least its going down. *sigh*.

Livi is all snotted up, white and moaning of a sore tummy but still wants to go kindy umm no you can't go. Kindy rang me up to work teacher has the same thing as livi so had to say no to that as well blow it all I could have done a days work although I do have a sore throat and found I dragged myself through stepping today. I just felt so tired and heavey. I am probably getting livis bug lucky me.

I bought a new vaccy cleaner the cheapest I could find as I am sick of buying expensive ones that are crap. And more excitingly I got a steam mop. YAY I LOVE IT. So much easier to clean the floors. and they dry so fast compared to a mop and bucket of water. So I am happy.

ahh it feels good to be back

I worked yesterday. It was very quiet with anyone who has a slight hint of even a cold staying away from Kindergarten so out of 40 children only 14 were present!!

Sadly though I have awoken with sore throat and feel a bit blocked up. Great just my luck. One downfall of relieving in winter is of course you are going in to the bug infested kindys as half the people are sick and thats why you are needed!!

I was goign to take the girls for a hot swim today but I really don't feel like it now. A shame as its raining and would have been a perfect day for a hot swim.

I had got up to 79.6kg so I did put a wee bit on. Weigh in will again be Mondays. So hopefully will see some difference on Monday. I just have to keep dreaming of being able to wear cute little shorts and singlet tops on this summers holiday.

I have been trying and trying to save. So far I have saved 14k. YAY but 3.5k will go on a heat pump in the next couple of weeks. I try to forget that I have that money or else spending it woudl be far to easy. The plan is to now not touch the rest and be able to have perhaps an extra week away in the motorhome over christmas and not worry. I have also been putting money on my pac n sav christmas club so that should cover our food while away over christmas and been buying mta vouchers so theres the desiel for the motorhome. The plan to have a stress free of money holiday. And to have a fall back bit of money. If I could save 20k every single year in 5 years we could lump that on the mortgage and come down to way under 100k and that would be awesome!!!!. It wont happen as I am a spender in reality and not a saver. And I want to bulk pay power and telecom as well so that by time we go away they are paid for the month of januray and feb if i can manage it. that way we really can not worry about money while having some time off.

Up and done my steps already

i woke feeling so refreshed this morning. More water and exercise really do make a difference in your overall well being. I can't wait to start seeing some results.

We spent a week away in the motorhome. It was great. Up to Auckland with the girls for one part and then back home left them with my mum and off to field days for the rest just Graeme and I. My new fav place is De Brets in Taupo. I could spend all day in the mineral pools there!!!!.

Anyway I AM BACK AND ALIVE

Been a while

I know. But i have maintained my weight and yesterday got back on going down on the scales again. I have been so slack.

So busy with the duck race

Been slack about posting in here again lol. I have been getting stuff ready to make signs for the kindy duck race and this morning will be there probably all day making them. Wonder if the four people I asked to help me will turn up or stay and help. I can just see me doing this by myself. Oh dear.

The kindy's new hours start today. 8:15 - 12:30 for the morning children and 1:15 to 3:15 for the afternoon children. So seeing as I will be signs I will need to take lunch for both girls instead of just Livi. If by some stroke of luck I am finished by lunchtime I will keep emmy home as they will have had all morning and be nice for them to get a break in the afternoon.

I havent been the best with my eating. I arent hideous either but definately still back in the place I was when the weight was falling off me.

I think this is my first platau

its just not happening. *sigh*.

We got new bikes good bikes that were expensive but my god what a difference!! Graeme bikes to work now and I am biking the girls to kindy and back each day as wel. We have also been going for lots of other rides as well. We are loving it.

We are going away to the field days for four days without the kids. I KNOW SO EXCITED. Mum is coming to our house to look after them. We are going ith friends who also have a motorhome so going to camp it out. God I cant wait. I will be able to sit up the front instead of down the back on my own. Can you tell I am excited lol. Driving and not worrying about kids and food and toilet stops and keeping them happy. ahhh it sounds like bliss but best of all we can take our time at the field days and look around without any kids bored and grizzly. oh my god I cant wait.

Well we concede defeat

and are going to buy PROPER bikes. The cheapies from the warehouse are so uncomfy to ride. YOu get pins and needles in your hands from the way you are hunched over. Mum found the same thing and she went and bought a better bike from the bike shop. OH MY GOD. I had a ride on it yesterday. ITS WONDERFUl. The whole thing is easier to pedal, the angle you sit is far more comfy and the seat is like sitting on a pillow. SO this afternoon we are going insearch of the same bikes lol.

Yeah yeah we were told warehouse bikes were terrible but we honestly thought how bad can they be well now we know. Hopeffully though somoene will buy them when we put them on trademe so we wont completely lose our money.

We biked from Clive to marineland yesterday ad had an icecream and biked back. My butt is so sore today its not funny. I also have a very very sore throat and feel crappy thanks to Graeme. He has had this for a while now and finally passed it on to me. HOW RUDE.

And today I start again

Properly. I lost that space for a bit there. Note it happened when I stopped writing here and being accountable. SO TODAY IT IS. Its been a wasted couple of weeks but never mind. Onwards and downwards in weight from here on in.

I changed the angle of my bike and seat and much much better. I actually quite enjoyed my bike ride yesterday. Still find the ever so hardly able to hill a bit hard but figure as I get used to biking and using those muscles it will get easier.

I really need to drink more water I have been slack and been waking up with headaches. So HOT water it is for my hot drinks now. Its just another way to get more water in my diet.

We got a letter from kindy yesterday stating that the new hours are effective from the start of the term. Wow Livi will be going 8:15 til 12:45 every day. I have to make lunch everyday that means. Oh well get me in a routine for school at least. Emmys kindy will be 1:15 til 3:15. So she loses half an hour. Mind you at 2 I dont think that is such a bad thing.

We have a motorhome we realy want in ashburton. We are just 20k short for it though. we are going to watch it and hope they get desperate and drop 15k as many have done to get sold. If that happens we will be down there to buy it. But of course I dont have that kind of luck so its not going to happen.

Its foggy here this morning so figure I better not bike off til that lifts for safety reasons. But i will get moving and clean up the house so thats all done. Apart from a bike ride we have nothing to do today. It should be nice not having to worry about going here and doing this and racing there to get this done. Tuesday was mad I had so many trips out for things that HAD to be done.

HELP ME IT HURTS

MY BUTT that is. Holy moly. The girls are helmeted up and want to go pedalling as t hey call it. Well tough girls I dont even think mummy can sit on teh bloody bike let alone pedal today. OHdear.

Last night Graeme found a motorhome that we want. That is 20k out of our budget so please Lotto Gods a win would be helpful. Its just a bit biggere, has two single beds over the cab, a king sized bed for us, more water, and just a little bit better for us. Oh well dreams are free.

I should be up and moving but my butt is so sore. Graeme and I went for another ride last night. Actually i bought a second trailor for the girls so they can go in one each when both of us go out then just share when its only one of us.

I was good yesterday stuck to my points and that was that. Now I have to carry that on just like I used to. And get to 75kg for a starter. Will aim for 75kg then aim for 70kg etc etc.

oooppsss i indulged to much

and i knew it too lol. Never mind back on track. We bought bikes and a kiddie trailor so am going to go biking. I went this morning. Its hard work and my arse hurts now. We had a great weekend away. We stayed longer then we thought we would because it was just great.

LISA I saw your mum at kmart yesterday!!!.

Other than that not a lot happening just the usual plodding on. And my legs are like jelly. I really shoudl go shower but I think my legs have given up on me after my bike ride. Will update again later on I promise.

I ate loads and loads last week and thats enough to maintain weight haahaa. Great when I finally get to goal weight I can eat shitloads lol.

AM most surprised. I have so much to do today. Motor home to sort out to go away, marking to do, emily appointment at hospital, might pack a few things. And an the usual kindy runs. Which sseem to be all day. Roll on holidays next week when we can have a break from it. Well actually weds is our last day at kindy seeing as we are goign away thursday. Although weather doesnt look that great so I hope its not going to be a wet easter.

and that is me. I am still in shock I weigh just the same and didnt put on

Been a lovely day today

I got to sleep in YAY, then I got up did all the housework and then we went to the mini trains and had a afew rides.

Emmy is coming down with something I think nose is running and shes grumpy very grumpy and tired but will she lie down on the couch and snooze NOOOO she wont.

I wanted to take some pictures of them today but no every single battery in the house is flat so am charging up some now myabe later. Probably by then they will be grotty and no do what I want.

I weighed myself this morning after I had eaten and was surprised to be 79.8kg. I was expecting far far more then that!!. BUt as of today am back on the hard work wagon. By end of May I want another 5 kg GONE

am still here eating has got slack though

so am expecting a kg or more gain on monday. I really have to find that space again. Its there I know it is. And I am not at goal weight yet so it has to come back.

I just paid all my bills up for the month. So depressing when you do that. You feel so poor after wards.

Been slack at writing in here

But I am here all the same. Still solidering on. Although I have a tummy bug of some sort right now so notmuch to say really. Feel much better now then yesterday but still not great.

Went and checked outa beach to stay at over easter yesterday and not suitable at all sadly. Where you can camp is right on a gravel road so concern was too close to road for kids and the dust that would cover us. Plus we were worried about a group who are parked up there. They have their maori activitist group flag flying plus were patched up mob members so thought maybe not the wisest place to go!

Will just hang out at our fav local beach instead.

Dont you love it when

A pair of jeans goes from cant get over thighs, to can do up if I breathe in, to can do up with ease fit nicely to GETTING TOO BIG. Thats the pair of jeans I have on today. Its such a buzz.

I have a sore throat and groggy head today. GRRRR.

The peppermint tea is growing on me. I dont mind it now. OH MY GOD LISA I am getting a tea obbession like you. Think how many cups will be brewed when you are here in May. For those who dont know Lisa is the faithful LittleMrs and we meet way back at the very beginning of highschool. She abandoned me for america and now austrailia but is coming home for a holiday in May. She just waltzes in my house pops the jug on and makes endless cups of tea. Her poor mother the first time she came with her was like Lisa thats rude Lisa is like nah mum this is home lol. Its great shes a guest who doesnt need waiting on she just gets what she wants. WORKS WELL lol.

Anyway I have a plunket meeting this morning and lots and lots of marking that I dont feel like doing but HAVE to do.

OVERWEIGHT HERE I AM

Obese you are a thing of the PAST. Overweight still isnt desirable BUT its better then Obese. We had a roast chicken for dinner last night and I went overboard on roast spuds and cheese sauce. Infact I am surprised I lost weight the whole week wasnt the best. I need to really get back into things. I have accepted that its now too dark and chilly for the girls to go walking for an hour in the mornings. And for a while will just work on doing this without exercise. I am quitting milo and going for peppermint tea instead. It tastes like overchewed PK chewing gum but its calorie free and meant to be really good for digestion, and aids weightloss. So Ifigure that will cut 6 points out of my food intake during the day. So should make up for not exercising.

I weighed in this morning

just cause I can after breakie, and with pjs on. 79.5kg so i hope like hell it was right cause cause that means I am no longer obese just overweight!!!!!!! and and under 80kg finally!!! and and only 2kg heavier then when i got preggie with livi.

Am still here

Not exercising as it doesnt get light enough fast enough in the mornings. And then I just dont get around to it. Yes I know bad. And my eating hasnt been the best either. GRRRRRR. It hasnt been totallly bad eihter but not as good as it could.

its 6:15am

and I have made the beds, opened the curtains, got us ready, livis playlunch made, and looked outside into the dark morning and realized we wont be walking its raining.

heres my first side on pic to compare

OH MY GOD i can actually see a difference.

Here I am at 80kg

I have on a size 14 pair of jeans. So they arent little but I am getting there.

Nearly acheived my first major goal

My first goal was to leave the BMI of obese behind. My BMI today is 30.1 which is still obese. But 29.9 is overweight so I am soooooo close. So close yet so far. It used to be 32.4 so I have come a long way. Well ok not really but i have lol. I know what I mean. My first major goal was also to get under 80kg. So to weigh in at 80.0kg sucks. Couldnt it have been 79.9kg thats so much better then 80.0kg. 6.1kg gone off my body. I still cant quite believe it. I have on a pair of jeans today and for the first time in a very long I dont feel like a huge blimp. I still fat yes but decent. What sucks though is Graeme was 83.3kg when I started this. And he the sucky thing is now 77.5kg. HE SUCKS. Hes not even trying and eating alll sorts of shit. How does that work?
*sigh*. Well I had better go and get the washing out, and off to kindy for Livi. I have a meeting with a representative from the Eastern and Central Community Trust Board at 9am as we have applied for 6k funding to put in decent heating and air con into the kindergarten. At the moment the heating is very substandard and we HAVE to upgrade. However with also having to buy lots of equipment and having to upgrade the outdoors area we are short of funds. Very short. But hopefully the ducky fundraiser will raise around 5k and we get the 6k that will help immensley.

This is not a day we like in our family

March 16th 1995 this time Andrew was still here. Still talking, walking and ALIVE. At 8pm tonight he was killed. We didnt find out til 3am when the police rang up. Its also my uncles birthday today. I cant believe it has been so long. 14 years since we saw him last.

wow I lost weight and Emmy dry once again overnight

Its a good day!! I have been walking already. Kids are dressed just doing breakfast. I clearly now when I am bad am nowhere near as bad as I used to be!! As those scales went DOWN.

And miss Emily kept her pjs dry once again. Oh please let this be the end of nappies in this house!!! Right I am starving going to eat

so much for getting back on the wagon

TOMORROW and this time I mean it. The scales will scare me back on track!! I am expecting another gain. Bloody stupid of me to waste all the work I had done. And I have no one to blame but myself.

DRY ALL NIGHT

YAY go Emily. And Livi is super happy as I managed to find her a strawberry shortcake tracksuit. I would be happy IF I had got a sleep in. But NO I didnt.

The girls have NEW PJS on

and of course they choose matching ones once again. So i have to check tags to get the right kid in the right ones. There were lots to choose couldnt they have choosen different ones? Miss Emily Bear has gone to bed without her pull up on. Promising me she wont wet the bed. She has had a dry pull up now for at least 2 months but always the night you take off the pull up she wets. So we have a bribery of new pjs in 3 days IF you keep the pjs all dry all night.

We went out this afternoon. I did the groceries and discovered little rice crisps which my girls love so bought them instead of chippies. I hate them so no temptation to eat them. YAY. We went to Bunnings to look at a storage system for the play room but it wasnt right. Went to mega 10 the girls played for ages in the playground while Graeme munkled at the crap for ages. I of course actualy stayed to watch my children playing. YEP thats right you can assume from that some parents bung their kid in there and leave them alone while they go shopping. I am quite laid back BUT first of all small children in confined playground is asking for a scrap of some sort, plus how easy it would be to just walk off with some kid. Oh well I guess it would be harsh lesson for a parent and a terrible tradegy for the child IF that were to happen. THere was a competition on for under 6's of fishing a duckie out of the spa pool with a net and get a prize. Livi was great at it poor old Emily couldnt see over the edge so Graeme had to help but eventually they got a ducky and she got her prize. Home and I slept. OH what bliss. I woke up at nearly 5 to the girls with their ironing boards out ironing their new pjs ready for bed lol.

They have jsut gone off to bed all shitty cause it finally dawned on them half well lets be honest 96% of their friends are no longer on their beds. I did relent and let them have their monsters back. Honestly why does a kid WANT to sleep with an ugly monster lol. Its all quiet so I assume They are aasleep. Or else Emily is discovering bottom freedom with no pullup on!!.

LEt you know tomorrow how it goes.

mum left a diet coke here

i am drinking it YUCK I just dont like coke but am still drinking it.

Been on a mission this morning. Changed all the sheets and duvet covers on every bed, took all the girls stuffed toys bar their favourite they were allowed to choose 6 each and put them in a very high up cupboard.
Last time i did this they after I thought they were asleep got them all out again well they cant this time!!!
looks much better in their room now. You can actually see the bed and gorgeous duvet cover!!!

I cleaned toilet, bathroom, kitchen, dining, lounge,playroom and dusted and then vacuumed. Looks much better.

And I need to do groceries YUCK havent been for two weeks though so dont have a choice now.

Its too cold in the mornings now

Bring back summer PLEASE. *sigh*. With it being cold I just dont go walking so I need to pull finger and get walking. I am lapsing a bit on food too. Nothing major but certainly not as good as I was thats for sure. So I have a huge wagon to get back on if I want to be skinny by next summer. No more stuffing around it is just wasting time.

EMILYS RESULTS ARE IN

and its pretty good. Well its better then the worst thats for sure lol. It is NOT bone. Now ideally it would have been but its not. Its either a cyst or a tumour but they think either way its not life threatning but they do want a scan and a treatment plan drawn up. So while it could have some yuckies in the treatment overall ITS OK. This is so much better then not knowing.

ITS COLD TODAY

the girls have thermols on!!. Bit of a shock to the system. Bring back those 35 degree days thanks. I hate the cold. Am now walking whenever its too cold for them sitting in the pram first thing in the morning and not fair when you are just sitting there doing nothing.

May even pull out the cross trainer again and exercise at home.

I weighed yeah yeah i know monday is weigh in and I was 80.4kg. heeheheehee. I am happy. Right lots to do I am off.

Its far too early for this!!

Those children of mine have the wiggles cd blasting and I mean blasting and dancing around the lounge. Far far too early for this. Livi is in love with her pumpkin patch tracksuit. I dont do tracksuits but that child does. So she has that on and of course it has made her extra silly. She keeps goign to the window where she can see her reflection and sticking her butt out and posing in it. Tracksuits are such hideous things but now she claims she wants all tracksuits for kindy for winter andof course miss 2 is chiming in with that. Miss 2 is actually getting a strawberry shortcake tracksuit so that will please her. UURRGGGHHH tracksuits so hideous

its so dark in the mornings

god when is daylight savings ending. I need light again. Its very hard to get motivated to go walking in the dark!!. Its chilly now too. I put the rain cover over the girls this morning that way it keeps the chilly air off them. Oh to be sitting ina pram getting pushed. I have an hours work tomorrow morning. I am getting lots this month. I only want one day a month and I am happy so far I have done two days already and another one of friday. I am going to the pumpkin patch outlet store for kindy clothes and winter clothes beginning of next month. I looked in farmers and its dearer then the outlet store!!!
Anyway I have washing to hang out, teeth to brush, morning tea for livi to make and off to kindy.

See told ya I celebrated a bit too much!!

Icecream, mars bars, chippies macoroni cheese all bad things. Not too bothered as I thought a 2kg loss the week before was too much!!. Nothing to say really. DOwnwards we go back on track now

Lots to say now!!

First thing first the important thing. I have on a baby pink with white flowers size 12 skirt. YES THATS RIGHT SIZE 12. Ok ok its from pagani so we know thats more like a large 14 or small 16 but hey the label says size 12. I bought this just after I had livi wore it once and then outgrew it. So very exciting. I feel very girly and feminine today. And Livi said I was beautiful Princess mummy. So what she says goes today lol.

Second important thing, My stupid hideously expensive electrolux vacuum cleaner just wont go. Now lots of people woud be thrilled their cleaner wont go but not me. I am devestated, angry, pissed off and annoyed to say the least. The house is all cleaned up but the floors and it so shows. I vacuum every day and I am NOT happy.

So I bought myself a mars bar. And ate it. So lunch will be a some cruskits and thatgs it. I can fit it in if I skimp at lunch today. So as I have already eaten it skimp I must. *sigh*. Now I think I will email Electrolux and let them know just how disappointing this cleaner has been. I have had it 2 years now. And honestly for near on 1k it has been the biggest lemon out there. How on earth it won consumers best vacuum cleaner thing they do is quite beyond me.

ahhhh its 8:15am on a Sunday morning

our walk is done breakfast is done. Graeme is working til lunchtime then we are off to farmers as they have Dora duvets 30% off and it would appear the girls would like a dora duvet on their bed.
Might wash and flea the dog too shes due for her flea stuff on thursday so might get it over and done with.
And its time to start buying winter clothes for the girls. I am going to hav ea huge chuck out of their wardrobes soon. And start again. the odd thing I will keep the rest is going.

And thats all I have to say today.

What a day!!!!

Miss Emily was the grumpiest thing you can imagine. So at 7:30am I shut all the curtains turned off the telly and we all went back to my bed and no the grump did not sleep. Finally at 9am after tears, tantrums, screaming etc etc we got up again. Got the grump dressed that was a mission and finally at half ten after food and toilet stops and a quick clean up Grump and Livi climbed in the pram and we went walking. I am pleased to say Grump was asleep all of 30 seconds down the road and slept the whole walk. So many people said "oh isnt she sweet" hmmm no actually she isnt at the moment shes a damn Grump. She woke up in a much more pleasant mood thank god cause otherwise she might have found herself at the front gate witha FREE sign on her. We mucked around for the day then when Graeme got home we decided to go play at a playground. Now I had the bright idea of playing at Te Mata (tomato) School where the girls will go to school. So at 4pm we went. Me pushing LAZY LIVI in the pram and the Grump (who was actually very ungrumpy by this time) on her bike. Now the Grump is a drunk on her bike. She weaves over the whole footpath, runs your get over, rams the side of the pram and cant understand why everyone was saying look where you are going. Luckily the school is only two mins walk!!!. What a great playground. They had a ball. At 5.15 there was a horrid rumble of thunder. So the Grump was shooed on her bike and Graeme put the push bar on it and Livi the Lazy Layabout stretched out in the pram. And we came home just in time for lightning, thunder and rain. We had an easy tea of spaghetti on toast with chocolate icecream for dessert. I didnt of course have any of that that doesnt fit the diet. Grump and Lazy had a huge bubble bath made a huge mess had a milo and went to bed!!. I hope the Grump wakes tomorrow in a far more pleasant mood then she did this morning. I did ask Grump why she was so horrid and grizzley I shouldnt have bothered I got two little hands either side of my face squeezing it and a VERY Grumpy voice said "I am not grumpy you Mean Old Troll I am tired. Dora kept me up all night". hmmmm ok Grump if you say so.

hmm

each week after my period I put on weight!!. Lol or the week I weigh in with my period it is false. One or the other haahaa. So Monday is weigh in day and I will have put on weight. I know this because I have been slack. I really need to pull finger out again and get tough on it again. Which from today is what I am doing. I spent nearly a week being all happy and smug about how much I had lost so far I kinda kept on celebrating with too much food. Silly me cause I just wasted a week really. Right aas of today Back on the wagon.

I worked Thursday and Friday so that was good. And i have work next Friday as well.

The girls went to bed late last night and woke up extra early of course. So maybe tomorrow they might be ready to catch up and sleep in. Am thinking of taking them to the hot pools to swim today. Will see what the day is like once it gets light and we go walking and stuff.

well that was sad

Not one bill left to be paid in this house. But the bank account looks very sad now. OH well nothing will come in again now til April. So I guess thats something. No one can come knocking on my door saying you owe me money. *sigh* please let the never ending bills come in.

Have decided will go walking

after livi is at kindy. It is just too dark in the mornings and we end up getting home and having to rush around like mad ducks. So after kindy it will be when it it light again. But today will be after lunch as I have lots of horrid bills to pay this morning. Car rego grrrr, two warrants that have been done and now the bill is in, just paid the accountant lol. Dont you hate bill day. Oh phone, rates and wheelie bin too. *sigh* So much for saving so far things has come up that just have to be done. Very annyoing.
With that I am off to shower, go bank, go kindy, go post office, go supermarket. I have work tomorrow and friday so better have food in the house fr my mother to feed the kids with lol.

not the best pic but one all the same

hmmm and there we have one picture 5.5kg down from the start of this journey.

I should really do new photos

might do it when Graeme pops home soon. Get him to take a piccy. So we are off at Easter. Thought seeing as he is working 7 days right now we woudl take thursday off and go Wednesday afternoon sometime. So that will be Wed, thurs, fri, sat, sun and home monday. That shoudl be a good break. We were going to Mahia Penisular but you cant freedome camp there so are rethinking things. We have the whole of the north island and cant find anywhere the interests us lol. Well we dont want to go as far as corromandal even though there are loads of places there that interest us or to Auckland. Would love to go New Plymouth way but again its such a long way we decided you waste TWO days travelling so will save that for another time.
So where can we go??? post your ideas to me. Cause we have looked at the maps and draw a blank time after time. We did think Cape Pallicer however its very remote and thought that might be a safer one to do with someone else. So I am going to google my way through what places are putting on any easter festivals or something.
The motorhome association is doing a massive easter rally way way way up north probably take two days to get there so we decided thats not an option for us plus we didnt realy think a rally with 60+ year old and around 500 motorhomes is really us. Cant really see us fitting in the paper hat competition or line dancing heehee.
Had the worst sleep in history last night *glares at children*. We cut off the weetbix free water bottle voucher and went and got them yesterday. Those girls drunk that much water they both woke up twice to go toilet. Of course not at the same time so in all 4 seperate times I was woken to take children toilet.
I actually can notice soem weight loss I think. I dont look pregnant anymore. Lisa I must say I am totally looking forward to hearing you cant fit your pants anymore while I can yell and scream I FIT MINE heehee evil I know. For those who dont know Lisa shes kind of turn sideways behind a pole you wont see her skinny. And ook so shes going to outgrow her pants because shes having baby number 3 but thats not the point. She shall get big while I get small thats the point!!! I might for the first time ever be smaller then her heeheeheee. Even if it is only for a short while. So Lisa feel free in this pregnancy to put on 30kg I DONT MIND AT ALL!!!.

Right time to find a holiday spot.

5.5kg GONE GONE GONE

i am 1/4 of hte way to 20kgs. I HAVE LOST 5.5KG. OH MY GOD. I cant quite believe it. I was so excited I raced through the shower and into the wardrobe. First stop my favourite $350 size 14 stripey fine cord jeans. THEY FIT THEY FIT. They are funky and out there and I hardly got to wear them as I got fat. BUT THEY FIT. Ok I need a baggy top as they create muffin top but stuff that I c an actually get them on and they fit. Its been 4 years since they fit. Then I got out my pre pregnant Olivia jeans and again creat muffin top but I CAN DO THEM UP. I havent been able to do them up let alone past my thighs since she was born!!!!. OH MY GOD. NExt step was my expensive three quarter nike pants. THEY FIT THEY FIT. Ok probably are a tad tight in the butt but who cares they can get on me they will do and I am wearing them today. Thank god I didnt throw out all my pre children wardrobe as some of it is expensive and I still like it. Slowly it will all fit again.

I started a new walk today. We decided Graeme and I that walking on a semi rural road with no lights or foothpath is now not a safe option seeing as its so dark in the mornings. So I now stick to foothpaths and lit up areas. It takes the same time and still has an incline so I think is on par with the old course. Just no horses for the girls to look at thats all.

I dont know how I lost weight last week actually. I was sick, didnt walk, ate some easter eggs and maccy cheese one night. SO quite how is a mystery.

BUT WHO CARES 5.5kg IS GONE

what a great sleep last night

I went to bed at half eight to watch idol. Didnt see a thing. Was fast asleep literally seconds after going to bed and the girls slept in til 10 past seven this morning. Fantastic. Is pouring down here so cant really go walking bit unfair that the girls have sit in a pram and get wet. I really feel like a walk today as well. Never mind. And with that I have lots I want done today so am outta here.

back walking today

I still dont feel right but decided I needed to get back out there. I sweated like nobodys business and felt drained. But I did it. I have a new route now as it was getting too dark for the old one where there is no foothpath or lights. Its the same distance and takes the same time to do and still has an incline as well. ALL GOOD.

I jumped on the scales when I first got up before I went loo and with pjs and I am not sure how seeingn as I havent put any effort in with being sick but it read 82.4kg. Was a bit shocked although very pleased!!

A loss is better then a gain even if its only 100grams its a loss. Well I keep telling myself this. If I say it often enough I might believe it!!.

well now the waiting

what is emilys lump. NO IDEA still. She was sent straight away for an skull xray which she cried for of course. I said as we were looking at the xray is it just bone and the reply was "umm errr weeeeeellll theres some bone there but we need the specialist to look at it now. Will you be home if we need to ring you to come back" hmm yes but what does that mean? Anyway decided will send emmy to kindy if they want us I will go pick her up. The lump protudes 1cm by 1cm and is pefectly round. Hes confident its notj ust the way her skull is growing or it would be on both sides. Is that good or bad I dont konw either. He did say I wonder if something is pushing it from the inside to go like that. HMM dont like the sound of that!!!. So now I wait.

still no walk

this morning. So much for night adn day tablets making you feel better. Still blocked up, coughing now and HOT. arrgghhhh just what I need at this stage. Am not expecting a weight loss this week will be impossible i havent done the hard work. I could do without Emily's appointment but I waited near on 8 months for it so will be there no matter how bad I am feeling.
The girls were stuffed yesterday and had an early night. So I thought great I will sleep on the couch before shorty street. ahh if only. First the cat put it claws up the wallpaper and starting shredding so I threw it outside, then the phone rang, then a stupid friggen fly kept landing on me. I tell you I was so tired and grumpy by that stage that I lost the plot a bit. And then finally I got a small snooze in and woke up groggy as you do.
We went to bed last night and some IDIOT faxed us at half ten last night. It was a research company. Sorry but to be faxing at that hour of the night is rude especially when the fax is IN MY BEDROOM. So this morning I faxed that company back telling them what I thought!!!

Right I have some washign to hang out, the breakfast dishes to clear up and I am done. Drop livi at kindy come home feed emmy before we go, mum is picking up livi from kindy so at least I wont have to worry if this apointment goes on for abit. I suspect though it will be all of five mins with a I will refer you on. As that seems to be standard practice at the hosptial let me write a referral to this department for you. Guess time will tell.

Oh I washed y hair and managed to do it pretty stylie this morning lol.

the hospital rang Emily finally has an appointment

to look further at the lump on her head. Tomorrow at 10:40am. Hurray. About time. And its with the pead who according to my nurse sis in law the best there is. So yay. Lets see what he makes of her strange lump. Hopefully he makes nothing of it and its just a strange way her skull has developed.

I have manflu I think

The goold old thumping head, mega sore throat and blocked up nose. Yesterday I didnt go walking as I was just so tired and felt under the weather. Last night it hit. I can hardly swallow and just want to curl up and sleep as sleeping is next to impossible with a blocked nose. But I cant. I have two little girls who are up and about so sleeping is not an option.

Livi has a kindy trip today and she is so excited. right now i am so glad that I am not a parent helper its the last thing I would want to do!!!

I am still loving my hair. now thats a rareity normally the next day I am like what the hell have I done. But not this time.

right the screen hurts my head so I am going to go and shower and hope a shower clears my head a bit. Emmy is a tad grumpy so wonder if she is getting it.

photo doesnt do justice but

Please excuse those sagging boobs. The photo doesnt show the layers and slight fringe. But anwya thats my new haircut

WHEW

I always feel relieved when those scales go DOWN. Thank goodness. I didnt walk yesterday but I did skip. Man skipping is really hard work.

Anyway nothing to say today just thrilled those scales are GOING DOWN

I FIXED IT

The time has been bugggin me on here. Being in american time. NOW ITS NOT. Just thought I would share that useless piece of info.

oh LISA are you pregnant???

I shall be forced to start a rumour you do realize???? I will email you later anyway. Actually can you email me with your phone number as I stored it on the old computer and it went AWOL. Although I did get the dinosaur cranked up last up night only took 5 attempts and I got cross and threw it on the floor and IT WENT!! am just thinking It might be time for it to become a play toy for the girls.

I really want and will probably have a creme egg. God I love creme eggs. Just one. Well all the washing but the towels are done and hanging out. The towels are washing now. The girls had a bath and hair wash and something really amazing happened. THEY DIDNT CRY. I showered and dressed. But yeah the creme egg is calling me. "liz liz come and get me" I can hear it.

So Lisa when is the new baby due??? Your mad by the way totally mad!!!!. I know you are just trying to do a brad and angelina but instead of a baby from any country you are just doing babies being BORN in different countries BUT I think you should come home for this baby and have it here!! Dont worry about Mat I can be your birthing partner.

Tyring to decide whether a rest day is a good idea

My muscles are sore and tired adn I know I give them a day off. But why do I feel like I am quitting if I do ONE rest day. Its stupid I know. And one day is not going to make a difference in the grand scheme of things. I AM going to have ONE rest day.

Although I might skip later tonight.

I decided to get cracking this morning and by 7am I had one load of sheets on the line, all the beds changed with fresh clean linen and second load of sheets on washing. And there are suss looking black clouds out there. GO AWAY I have decided all sheets and towels are getting washed today and they must dry.

Yesterday I ended up doign my hours walk, another 40 min walk as we walked to get our non winning lotto ticket and then 20 mins of skipping. The girls wanted to skip to so I had to find something for my skipping rope. I found a length of electrical wire in the shed it actually worked very well. Was the correct length that made skipping so much easier then a kids rop that is too short!!. Only thing was it hurt when it flicked you!! My archilles are still feeling the skipping the most. I figured that they are weak from years of no exercise. Who knows if I am right or wrong.

Graeme is working 7 days a week right now there is just so much work. I shant complain the money is much needed after a $300 bill on my car as the air con packed up, and a $600 on the motorhome. The motorhome needed some thing cant remember what. Actually have paid most of the motorhom bill. But still it annoyed me that $600 that we could have saved.

I find the eating side quite easy now. I still really crave salt n vinegar chips so I either factor them in or just say tough you arent having them. I actually feel full again when I eat now. So I must have gotten used to these small portions of food now. I tend to eat pretty much the same food over and over. But that doesnt bother me. It probably lacks in some areas but I dont really care its working for me right now. And its gotta be better then what I was doing!! I have shaved around $50 a week off our groceries by not buying chippies, chocolate, buns, biscuits, etc etc. So this has had that benefit too.

The garden is keeping us well stocked in brocolli, tomatoes, celery and cucumbers. I have cucumbers coming out my ears lol. But thats all good. We are revamping the garden so not replanting right now. Instead goign to build up planter boxes for the vegies high off the ground and get really good soil for them. Our soil isnt up to par. We are going to plant lots more beans and peas as well. and less lettuce. Oh my carrots are growing too and we are eating them as well.

And I think that is me. A walk is calling me even though I meant to be having a day off from it. It doesnt feel right to be here when I could be walking.

Right today is the start of a new me

new attitude to things and new way of life. Mainly its still centred around weight loss and getting fit. But there are new bits personal to me that shall stay that way. For now.

I havent missed a day walking yet and can only hope those scales are DOWN on Monday. Skipping is harder then I thought lol. My legs ache but I know I have to keep goign now. And I will. I am so determined that I can achieve all this that I can not make any excuses nor allow any excuses to be adopted by me.

Well I decided to weigh in this morning

even though mondays are my weigh in day. 82.8kg. heehee thats more like!!!!.
I have added skipping into my exercise routine. Its meant to be the most effective and fatest way to lose fat and tone up. Half an hour continous skippping is my aim. Last night I managed 20 mins and boy am I unco lots of tripping over the rope and having to start again. But they heart rate was up the puffing was huge and sweat was dripping so clearly the body was indeed working!! I thought today I would have sore calf's but only one sore archilles am quite surprised.
I have discovered a way to sneak points out of my diet lol. having my ceral for example with hot water ad not milk and I get an extra 2 -3 points a day to spend on other food. It really is being wise with what food you put in your body. Mywalking gives me an extra 4 points per day I can eat and the skipping an extra 3. But I am trying to look at those as just that extras that dont need useing up BUT if for example we decided to go out for fish n chips at the beach I have enough extra points up my sleeve to have a few hot chips. I often walk to kindy once to drop livi off, once to pick her up, once to drop emmy off and once to pick her up so its only 10 mins there and back but thats an extra 40 mins sneaked in if you add it all up. And I really think that that is the key exercise exercise and more exercise.

Well come this time next year i will have damn hot and sexy legs from all this skipping. So am hoping I look like a goddess on the beach when we do our big two week christmas trip away. One can only hope anyway lol. Of course thte godess image will all be ruined when they look at my face and then the two kids in tow. I somehow dont think godess's have two kids and a husband with them haahaa.

today I have on my pink (I love pink) three quarter glassons pants. Now I havent been able to do them up for one year. They are a size 14. They are a tad tight however as they create muffin overhang but I have along black singlet top of that hides that muffin spilling over. AND THATS NOT THE POINTZ they are size 14 thats the point lol.

All my size 18s are now getting too big. I have to wear a belt with my jeans and they bag around the legs and bum. So something is working as size 18 was starting to get a tad small on me.

Right I should go and hang out my washing and brush my teeth and we are ready to mossey on to kindy for the 1st of four trips there today.

I dont get it I am so angry with myself

Last week I lost 600grams and had a bad week. This week I was really good walked every single day, ate my points allowance ad have put on 400grams. HOW HOW HOW. I am clutching at straws as my scales also measure body fat and it has dropped 1% this week so I keeep telling myself its either muscle gain which is always heavier than fat or I am in ovulation week and google tells me you can put on up to 2kg around ovulation day. I am clutching desperately I know reality is I just didnt do enough. I didnt work hard enough. I have only myself to blame. And with that I am shitty with myself so am going to go hang out washing.

Still here

still trucking along. I am finding it easier and easier. I love getting out walking now. Really look forward to it. the eater is getting easier and easier. Maybe I am adjusting to this. I really feel I can do this. 20kg just seem so so so far away. Yes I have little goals in between and I just keep thinking of saying yes I have lost 20kg and how good that will feel.
Lisa are you ever going to update Emma and Ethans webpage??
I dont really have much to say today.

thought I would share some pics from our weekend

The girls being silly in the motorhome one morning. Total clowns.

Playing in a rock pool one morning. This is a huge leap for them. In the past they have been petrified goign past these pools and we have had tears and tantrums. This it was tears when made to get out!!

And finally my view of Graeme and the girls on the beach on Sunday morning out the back of the motorhome. I was doing dishes they were playing. It was stunning weather all weekend. Just gorgeous. If only now we could win enoughmoney to be mortgage free get the next motorhome and just drive off worry free whenever it takes our fancy. Dreams are free I guess.

Thought I would weigh in and Measure today

83.2kg YAY not much but YAY all the same

Calf: 43cm was 43.5
Thigh: 63.5cm was 64cm
Hips: 103.5 was 105cm
Waist 85cm was 88.5cm
Bust: 99cm was 101 cm
Upper arm: 34cm was 36cm.

So that speaks for itself I am getting smaller!!!!

I am so stoked to have lost this week I wasnt expecting to. I had macoroni cheese one night for dinner, plus while away this weekend some pizza, garlic bread and hash browns. So yes I am happy with the small weight loss. And Now I am off to shower.

It was really warm this morning

out walking. The girls didnt even have a blanket on like normal. Along the way where I walk is a POP stop which is where members of the nz motorcaravan association can park up in the motorhomes in and caravans. This mornign there were 8 motorhomes parked there. I was so jealous. Wish we were away parked up somewhere in ours!!

I got to kindy yesterday morning and discovered I was working for 2 hours. All good. Emmy lasted well but slept 4 hours when we got home. Today she is all fine and dandy eaten breakfast, talking, playing so I guess hse is feeling back to normal. Poor old Livi has a sty that in infected so will pick up her drops and meds this mroning. She can still go to kindy though so thats all good.

I cant wait for Mondays now as I want to see those scale going down its such a thrill. And gives me such a rush.

Other than that nothing is really new. Long weekend this weekend and I am working thursday at kindy. We might pop out hte beach or something I guess. Looked at where we can go but nothing jumps out at us. I would like to find somewhere with gorgeous hot pools. Actually there is somewhere like that going to Wairoa.

Friends bought a new table and chair outdoor set and were going to sell their old one on trademe til I sad hang on we will take it!. So we have a new table with 6 matching chairs and 2 matching rocking chairs. Its great. Much better then the stupid kwilia table I had.

All in all that is me.

WEIGH IN

83.8kg YES YES YES. It is paying off. It is working. And I FEEL GREAT TODAY. THats all I have to say Emmy still sick but is happy enough while sittingin the pram so I can still walk. wooohoooo

Cripes its warm out there today

After getting up to Emily in the night 6 times I did manage to drag myself out walking this morning. How I am not sure But I did. I weighed myself this morning before I went walking I hope its right. 84.1kg. Please be right. not a big loss but a loss all the same. Still weigh in isnt til monday so I cant really count it. And I have to stop weighing daily its not the right way to do it. Next week I am only going to weigh on Monday and thats it. NO OTHER DAYS.

On a good note Emily is over her bug and full of life today . Took both girls to the PP outlook store this morning and they choose matching outfits. I hate it but they love it. The outfit is nice but they could wear them on different days at least. BUT no they insisted on leaving the shop wearing them.

I really cant be bothered doing anything today. A packet of Salt n Vinegar chips would go down a treat about now but if I have them then theres nothing left for dinner and thats just wasting points so I will have to ride it out. Its all about smart eating now. Of course if I was maintaining there woud be room for them!!. Damn it all. And although I would enjoythe chips come tonight when I am starving I would be kicking myself.

I am in a routine now and finding each day a little easier. Cant wait for that first 10kg to be gone. It will feel so good saying I have lost 10kg. A way to go yet however. Imagine saying I have lost 20kg. Well that will be me one day. One day.

I havent forgotten this lol

Just nothign to report really. I must stop weighing in daily. I went and got new scales and Ithink they weigh 200grams heavier then the other ones. So will keep monday weigh in but realize it may be out slightly.

Emmy has had a vomitting bug. Really wasted on her I should have to drop a couple of kgs

I havent skipped any days out walking and am really loving my walks now. Its like it clears my head and I dream up buying our dream motorhome and off and about in it. So this morning I stopped at the lotto shop on my walk and bought a ticket. Just enough to pay the mortgage and buy my motorhome and I will be more then happy. Please oh lotto gods.

I am doing really well food wise. I worked out on weight watches I am allowed 23 points per day and I eat 22 then do an hour of exercise so ear 4 bonus point. Going by that I should be well on my way to getting smaller. I am finding it easier and easier each day that passes. I feel confident that this time it is my time to get skinny. Every 100grams is something. I read an article saying 500grams per week is the most you should aim for as your body adapts best to that and the poeple who lose 500 grams or less per week on avearage are more likely to keep it off. IT reakoned 1kg per week is too much to lose. I think 2kg per week is fine and dandy/ Really why cant I just wake up and its all done.

Oh well things to ponder.

WEIGH IN DAY

So I was 86.1kg according to the dickie scales. Took them back and exchanged for same scales but a new pair. They are dickie too lol. You have to stand on it about 6 times before you get a constant weight. Before that it goes up and down haaha. But it stayed constant at 84.7kg. So Do I take that as a weightloss or not?? I am going to back to swap again for an totally different brand this time.

I hoep that is fair accurate. I would have liked more but will take that I guess.

All walked, showered and dressed!!

Beautiful morning out there to be walking too. Well I jumped on those silly scales again today. I really should buy another lot. First time on I weighed 89.7kg second time on 83.7kg ( I like that one) and then third, fourth, fith and sixth time on I weighed in at 84.9kg. And I guess that one is most like out of them all. I hope its that I will be happy. Mind you Monday is the official weigh in.

I am doing well I think. There has been a few times I have wanted to say buggar it all I am eating something incrediably NOT in the weight loss plan. But I have managed to think no no no dont undo all this hard work so far. So I am quite proud of that. I havent for the last two nights done my night walk and that is naughty. I need that hour and forty mins to really kick the fat out of my body. So tonight I will be back into it. I also really need a new and good bra for exercising. My muscles dont hurt after every walk now so am assuming my body is adjusting and settling down.

Still breaking out in lots of zits but on good old google I see that can be common as you start a new diet and exercise lifestyle. It should pass within 3 weeks they say. Heres hoping.

I feel so much more confident that this time I can achieve my goal. So the first goal is to change my medical rating of OBESE. Yes thats right I am OBESE. The next step down is OVERWEIGHT. I always thought of obese people as they huge huge people who cant walk, literally can lift up handfuls of fat. But now that is MORBIDLY OBESE. I am OBESE. So if you want to know was a medical definatio of OBESE is look at me. I AM OBESE. When I was told this by the doctor I cried in shock, embarrasment and disgust. It took a while to come to terms with it. But at least I can change it!!

Now I must fly as emmy is bleating on the toilet "mummy, mummy," and it wont stop til I go help her. Actually a naked Emmy just flew down the hallway lol

I had to buy a new computer

The old one just decided not to work. For some unknown reason and when you have a business to run from home a computer is a must. So there goes my savings again. I am getting cross with losing my savings stuff.

I am still walking and really enjoying it. I am sure my belly is getting smaller. I am probably imagining it but I feel that it is.

I dont really have much to say today except that I am still on track havent fallen in a rut or anything. Seem to be plodding along great. Let hope I havent jinxed it.

So the scales today say

99.9kg. what the hell?? Then I stepped on again and 85.3kg. I hope that is right. Seems I have bung scales. And I cant find the receipt. So then I thought I would get the tape measure out and measure myself and I cut my thumb on the steel edge of the measure. OUCH. So perhaps I should just stick to weighing in on Mondays and measuring on the 1st of every month.

I have done my hours walk this morning though. so thats a positive. Its getting easier so I must be getting fitter. So fit and fat has to be better then fat and unfit. Well thats my theory and I am sticking to it.

Yesterday I really wanted salt n vingear chips. BUt I resisted the urge to go and buy some and managed the day without them. So thats a small mental victory to me. In the past I have caved and gone oh well tomorrow is another day. BUT NOT YESTERDAY I put that craving where it belongs fresh out of luck. ahhh.

I just keep thinking of how wonderful I will feel buying size 10 jeans, and a bikini. That will be such a wonderful day I might even take the camera to capture the occasion lol.

Emmy is in a foul mood she shouldnt be she slept 12 hours last night. But so far the day is full of tears and everyhting is screaming and tears. I am trying the ignore mode now. Wait shes gone to lie on the couch maybe she might doze off and feel better. Her lip is all ulcerated and puffy still so am guessing it probably hurts a bit. Silly old chicken.

I wonder how long before I notice clothes getting too big, lucky for me though I have about 20 pairs of jeans ranging from size 18 down to about a size 11 so jeans wise I should be ok. I am hoping that bra wise I go down to at least a C cup. A cup would be better. I woudl quite like bing an A cup but I guess that isnt going to happen. Maybe a breast reduction is something I should save for. I hate being a DD or E cup. HATE IT. No boobs suits me fine and dandy. Anyway I cant control boob size really so have to take what I get I guess.

I am finding my walking quite relaxing even though I am huffing and puffing away. Last night I went alone and my brain ticked over lots of bizarre thoughts. I must have had a huge grin on my face at one point as a man said "good to see you enjoying your exercise". I was at the time thinking of awesome it will feel to pull up to some beach and step out in a bikini. Reality is I wont ever wear a bikini on its own I am too chicken but I could I think manage shorts and bikini top or skirt and bikini top. Well with any luck this time next year that will be achieved. No IT WILL BE all I have to do is continue what I am doing.

My skin is having a break out in pimples attack. I hope its just cause I have stopped the crap and its just having a re adjustment time. I need to drink more water I dont drink enough but I just cant get into water for some reason.

Right thats about me today. I need to go grocery shopping but cant be bothered and buy a big Wednesday I feel its my turn to win a riduculous amount of money. And if I do the first thing is tomorrow getting passports and Lisa look out we will be invading.

I just couldnt help but get on those scales

this morning. and and 85.8kg so so thats 300grams lost. I must be on track again. I know I know you should not weight every day but yeah. I am enjoying walking twice a day. In the morning I take the girls with me in the evening I go alone.

I see so many people out walking, running and biking both morning and night. However not many of them are fatties like me. I see one girl each morning and I AM GOING TO LOOK LIKE HER. But I will need a spray tan first lol. She has lovely legs and tummy I know this cause she wears bike pants and sports bra so you can quite clearly see what she looks like. Thats what I want to be able to do. I wont of course but I just want to be able to.

I am not as hungry as I used to be so I must be getting used to eating this amount of food. I wonder how I will get one when I have to increase slightly to maintain a weight. Guess will cross that bridge once I hit my skinny status. I am at the moment aiming for 65kg as my first skinny weight and then will see if I need to lose further more then. But the smaller goal is to get a 7 first not an 8. Cause doesnt 7 sound so so much better than the 8. I am waiting to get to get 78kg and then I will try on my jeans pre children. The jeans I wore everyday to work. THe jeans that are still in great condition as they werent very old when I got pregnant with livi. Plus NIkki My sis in law has given me a whole heap of clothes and anyone who knows her knows she is expensive gorgeous clothing. I am hoping at around the 78kg they start to fit me. Hopefully they will tide me over til 65kg when then I can go shopping for all new trendy clothes.

I have decided how I want my hair too. And I am getting it done at the 78kg mark. I am going to have a light curl put through it and cut into a funky fun shorter bob. I have seen a pic somewhere along the way of what I want. So I figure once I am in my pre children jeans a new haircut will make me half a hot mummy.

Right better go Emmy is yelling "i want another crucket mummy" in her deep goofy voice. She seems unware there is an S in crusket lol.

I bought some scales and what a shock

I thought I was around 84 - 85kg. I stood on some in the shop that came in at 89kg and nearly died. I am pleased to say that today as my start of weighing in I am 86.1kg. That sounds slightly better then 89kg. So Monday mornings will be my weigh ins.

I feel confident i am on track but now the scales will tell the story!!. I am eating way way less then I used to. I am trying to walk twice a day but at least once a day. Infact am off as soon as I have done this entry.

So my first goal is to get under 80kg. I am going to go in 5kg lots. But anything that is a downward movement will be wonderful.

So when I was measuring which I will also continue to do was I getting smaller and just a lot bigger then I realised or was I just pulling htat tape measure tighter and tighter I wonder. Or a bit of both. Who knows but the serious business is underway now. Come winter I want to be buying new jeans and tops for winter in I hope at least a size 14. A baggy size 14. I ultimately want to be a size 10 though. But one size down at a time. And yes size matters to me vain as it may be I do not care it matters. I want my clothes labels to say size 10. I do not want them to say size 18 -16 as they do now.

I can remember some time ago buying something from Ezibuy for a friend in size 16 I was a 10 at the time. And Ezibuy sending me their Sara catalogue for large woman and being mortified. Well guess what I AM THAT LARGE LADY. Right measruements and walk.

Weight: 86.1kg
Calf Muscle: 43.5 cm
Thigh: 64cm
Hips: 104cm (probably pulled too tight but I am sticking with it)
Waist: 88.5cm
Bust: 101cm
Upper arm: 36cm

Am going to go find the last set to compare but I guess now it will be more acurate as the scales will tell a good story. Right walk time.

First major hurdle will be tonight

Going to stay the night out a local beach 10 mins away. We are going with another couple and everyone bar me will be having fish n chips for dinner as the store is only a few metres up the road. I am going to make a sandwhich. I AM goign to stay strong and continue on my skinny path. I am not going to ruin it now. I feel like I am finally in the right head space to really combat this and fish n chips WONT help at all.

Other than that another good day food wise yesterday. I am quite sure I am eating enough to lose weight now. Hell I better be.

I am off for a walk soon and will push the lugs along as well. This is my year, my year to look and feel one million dollars. My year to find a space where I love my body, myself and my overall life. ITs finding me and loving me. Sounds very veyr self centered though when you have children.

Anyway the walking is yelling at me and I have to do that, clean up, and get whatever for tonight, a lotto ticket and be gone.

Another day down

and yesterday was successful I think. The pictures and virtual model have done me wonders. I dont know why. As much as they hurt they are also a good motivator. I am visualizing buying those clothes and finally wearing a bikini top and shorts on the beach on a hot day. That is my dream. Stupid really its such a self centred dream to have but that is my dream.

We are off to a local beach front to stay saturday night with friends. Gosh its great having accomodation on wheels. These are things we would have never done had we not bought the motorhome. LIttle fun things that make for a lifestyle rathing than just exsisting each day.

I ran an old and good friend Kim over the last week and she has lost over 20kg. GO GIRL but man I am so so so so jealous. But wow a good motivator too if she can do well fuck it so the hell can I. The days I didnt write in here I fell off the wagon and over ate and felt like crap, the days I write my heart out in here I feel on track and in control. strange how finding one thing that motivates you can be so strong in the will to succeed.

an the real ones just to compare

no hiding now there are todays picture. GOD I look pregnant I assure you I AM NOT.

I found a virtual model of what I look like now

Its not quite right though. I need to find one where you put in your leg, arm, bust, waist measurements as well as height and weight. But there is what I got so far. Anyway my arms and bust are definately bigger than what that shows but I will keep trying. And then I shall be able to track onthat what I look like. I did a projection of my goal weight and I LOVE IT. OH god I want to be that skinny NOW NOW NOW.

Sigh guess the only way is slow and steady though.

RIght I CAN DO IT I CAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Funny how a day of soul searching can really change your confidence at this weight loss stuff. I know I can do this. It will only be as hard as I make it. I aren't dieting. I am changing my habits forever. I can do this. I know what I have to do and I will do it. Because that end result of buying that bikini will be such a thrill and emotional victory that I can't wait to get to that stage. Food is not the problem I am my biggest problem. I choose what I eat there is no one else to blame but myself.

Anyway it was another good day food wise. I just twisted my ankle and it was really sore last night so thought it best I dont walk on it and make it worse. But its not going to hold me back.

Not up to much today just enjoying not having to go anywhere as come 27th that will all end as we hit the kindy runs again for the new year.

The girls are both good. Wish they would sleep in but that seems to be impossible to ask of them. *sigh*. It seems sleeping past 6ish isnt cool. One day one day.

And with that I dont really have much to say today excpet I am the only person holding me back and I am the only person who can move this forward. And I can and will overcome this. I have to as being fat is not desirable, not healthy, not attractive and not how I want to be.

I cant do this on my own

I have just been in contact with a friend who has lost a whopping 20kg. I AM SO JEALOUS. Anyway after talking to her for ages last night am thinking maybe I should join weight watches for the added support and keeping on track. More accountability. More support. More help. Other people who are the same or been on this path.

Being FAT really does impact on your life more then you really realize. Things that I no longer do due to being fat are as follows. Refuse to go swimming or wear togs. Avoid social situations as I can never find clothes to fit me nicely. Have let my appearance slip due to never feeling good in any clothes. Going places where people who knew me when I was skinny I avoid. The shame and embarrasment of being fat really does impact on you. It slowly builds up and has really hit me how much I avoid because of my size. Out walking last night someone looked at me and I thought to myself "i bet they are thinking you fat bitch you should be running not just walking" now thats just being paranoid and stupid. Reality is the majority of people do not think that but that another area being fat has clouded.

I DONT WANT TO BE FAT ANYMORE. I dont want to avoid things any longer. The only answer to all this is TO LOSE WEIGHT. Am thinking I need some scales as well as measuring is probably wrong anyway. I probably pull that tape measure way too tight haahahaa. Nah no probably I DO. And all that is doing is cheating ME. It doesnt cheat anyone else but me. At the moment I can only hold onto I used to be a tight 18 and I can get into 16's now so that is proof I have lost weight but its not enough. It must be more. A size 12 at the most is my aim. And next summer I will be on the beach in a bikini enjoying it instead of spending the time worrying about how fat I am. I just has to be. It's just the way it is.

Ok back on track

Yesterday food wise was brilliant!! YAY that helps the confidence some. I really need a haircut but have decided until I drop 5cm off my hips no haircut heehee. So back on track come on cms melt off fast please.

That aside things are going great. Girls are playing nicely together, trying to get away friday nights and home sundays. Caught up with Lisa and Emma and Ethan and Mat yay. Seriously though you reallly need to move back to nz guys!!!

I have decided I need a hobby. A new hobby. Something that I can do from home of course, something that keeps my busy busy busy and soemthing that is productive. Who knows what that is cause I sure dont.

But I have decided this is the year of saving. I am going to stop spending money. I AM. You do realize that is about as hard as stopping eating but I am goign to do it. I have rationed us to half our income. The rest is going to be saved. Quite sure we can do that as we honestly waste moeny and I couldnt tell you what it goes on. Just who knows wasted odds and ends we don need I think. Might be a tall order but should be doable. We only need food, power, phone, internet and morgage each month. I gues we need clothes along the way but thats not biggie. So saving here we come. My goal to save enough for a dream motorhome. Of course we are partway there as the selling of the current motorhome provides a good headstart however not selling it til we have enoug moeny to buy the dream one. You know what a lotto win would help!!! Just 250k will do it all. I wil be mortgage free, be able to build the second lounge on, and should have enough to upgrade the motorhome not the dream one but definately upgrade so I dont want much mr lotto god just 250k please. You gave someone 18 million so why not me 250k lol. Yeah perhaps my savings plan is a much better plan then relying on a lotto win!!!.

right I am off to clean up the playdough for the millionth time I will jsut get it put away when someone will go I was still playing with that!!!! And why do my children get playdough mashed into their clothes I swear I need to buy full armed and legged arpons for playdough and I note they dont get the playdoughy at kindy!!!!.

Anyway Lisa I hope you are all settled back home and Mat is enjoying his fly net thing he wears on his head (weirdo) lol,and I hope to see photos up on your website very very soon please.

Some more photos to remind me why I MUST

lose weight.

haahaa they aer so far away you can't tell lol. Never mind I know what they look like. Right I am off to have breakfast and go supermarket, clean up and Livi has a friend coming to play this afternoon.

Why haven't I posted lately??

This photo was taken this weekend at Karakau. A lovely local was just giving rides for free. AWESOME

UP at Otama. So gorgeous

Mr whippy visited every day and drove right to your tent site.

In the gorgeous sand at Otama.

We hired this bike thing and biked around Whitianga for a while. This photo clearly shows why I need to lose weight!!

Simply because I havent been doing that great!!. I was good while holiday and each day walked up the hill to get cellphone coverage just so I could call out. I came home and BANG fell off big time. So today it is back on the wagon. I am NOT measuring I just don't want to know. Grrr i am rather angry at myself. Why is it so hard. Why can't I just quit eating. It sounds so easy dont eat for a few months and bingo be all over and just have to maintain. Yes sounds so easy yet it isnt its completely the opposite. OH well today is a new day and time to start again.

Right shall put up a few holiday photos now.