I have just been in contact with a friend who has lost a whopping 20kg. I AM SO JEALOUS. Anyway after talking to her for ages last night am thinking maybe I should join weight watches for the added support and keeping on track. More accountability. More support. More help. Other people who are the same or been on this path.
Being FAT really does impact on your life more then you really realize. Things that I no longer do due to being fat are as follows. Refuse to go swimming or wear togs. Avoid social situations as I can never find clothes to fit me nicely. Have let my appearance slip due to never feeling good in any clothes. Going places where people who knew me when I was skinny I avoid. The shame and embarrasment of being fat really does impact on you. It slowly builds up and has really hit me how much I avoid because of my size. Out walking last night someone looked at me and I thought to myself "i bet they are thinking you fat bitch you should be running not just walking" now thats just being paranoid and stupid. Reality is the majority of people do not think that but that another area being fat has clouded.
I DONT WANT TO BE FAT ANYMORE. I dont want to avoid things any longer. The only answer to all this is TO LOSE WEIGHT. Am thinking I need some scales as well as measuring is probably wrong anyway. I probably pull that tape measure way too tight haahahaa. Nah no probably I DO. And all that is doing is cheating ME. It doesnt cheat anyone else but me. At the moment I can only hold onto I used to be a tight 18 and I can get into 16's now so that is proof I have lost weight but its not enough. It must be more. A size 12 at the most is my aim. And next summer I will be on the beach in a bikini enjoying it instead of spending the time worrying about how fat I am. I just has to be. It's just the way it is.
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Wow Liz...that 2nd paragraph I could have written almost word for word. I would so love to take my kids swimming but just don't want to get in togs! I don't want hubby to see me in togs...Im just so embarressed at my size! I feel embarressed meeting new people...I feel everyone is looking at me thinking my god she needs to lose weight! Its good to know we are no alone in thinking these things...
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