I quite simply are still eating too much. I know I am. Ok so I arent putting on more weight BUT I am not decreasing either or only is minute amount. I MUST EXERCISE. I MUST EAT LESS, I know all this why the hell cant I just bloody do it. Cause I keep lying to myself ohhhh just this little bit of this will be alright. The rest of the day I have been good. Its the cold hard truth I still eat too much and dont do enough exercise. Plain and simple. No other obstacles just myself. I hope that by writing it down I internalize it and actually make it reality. I know it but its like its still bumping around outside the brain and not owning it or something.
I am going to have to find time to go out walking I think. When Graeme gets home although at this time of year its hard to know when he will get home from work. I should bung Emmy in the pram while Livi is at kindy and just go but I dont. Cuase I am too lazy to do it. Simple fat and lazy. Yep thats me. And I kid myself that the knocking back of food so far is enough. Its not. Its not nearly enough. I wonder if I should buy exercise clothes and put them on every morning and after I drop livi at kindy dont just walk home but KEEP ON WALKING. Up the hills, and back home. Then its done and dusted for the day. THat is what I should do and I know I should do it but already I finding reasons why it wont happen. Until I sort this mental block out the weight loss quite simply wont happen.
I hope that by writing this down and reading it again it is the start of the truth htting me and me accepting that truth. Why is it the truth isnt always easy to accept.
Heres the truth.
I AM OVERWEIGHT, Overweight and unattractive. The fat turns people off you. Its ugly. I hate being fat. Really hate it. I want to be a happy, fun attractive, slim, likeable person. But I have to more then want it I have to BE THAT PERSON. Do you start by getting slim first and then rest or do all at once. OH and I spend far far far too much time on the computer. Because sitting behind a computer screen you can hide away and creat an illusion that you are this confident, happy, enjoyable person to be around. FAT and HIDING thats me. I need a buddy who will come and get me and say right thats it fatty we are going walking NOW for once I am out walking I LOVE IT. Looking at gardens and houses for ideas, imaging the day when I win lotto and can build my dream house yeah yeah and lots of time for internalizing all sorts of thoughts.
I cant wait another day I must start today. After lunch I will pop the exercise gears on ( the ones that dont fit haahaahaaa) and walk down to get Livi and Keep on walking. Both girls will be well fed, and woke at half five this morning so can have a snooze while mummy huffs and puffs up the hill. Because I can not continue on this path of kidding myself.
*whispers* I like hiding in my house though its so easy to just stay in here and pretend I dont really care that I am fat and hideous.
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Aw Liz, I could have written that post word for word!! I like "hiding" on the computer! No-one can see me, you can seem really confident in typing! I cna't keep coming up with excuses to not exercise either!! The weather is beautiful at the moment, hubby gets home from work at 6.15 and the kids and I are normally all fed and washed up. Whats stoppoing me pounding the pavements with my MP3 player at 6.30-7.00?? NOTHING but being lazy! My neighbour feels the same so we have made a pack to try and spur each other on form tomorrow and both go for a walk together! Hang in there babe:o)
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