And there is the planted garden

Doesnt look like much in that photo lol but trust me carrots, beans, peas, tomato, brocolli, lettuce, celery, watermelon, rock melon and a raspberry bush are all there. Hopefully it will grow and do me proud.

WOOOHOOO garden is dug over!!!

And there it is!! In the pots at the back are tomatoes, peas and beans. The ground is still a bit wet and gluggy so aren't planting the rest until tomorrow. When we can give the ground another digging and hoeing. left to plant are watermelon, rockmelon, cucumber, lettuce, brocolli, carrots, celery and one raspberry bush. Heres hoping it takes off and does my proud.

I am stuffed there was so much taking away of crap, rubbish and stones. Stupid stones because many years ago we stoned all our gardens as we hate bark. So literally wheelbarrow ful of stones. My arms I am sure will ache tomorrow.

Livi and Emmy were of course helping (interefering) by filling up buckets with stones, and digging bits and pieces and sitting right where you wanted to be. But they lasted the whole time I must admit.

We went to Palmers and of course the Santa shop. Emmys eyes nearly popped out of her head and she declared "Fuck all the real santas here" and sat down on the floor and just stared. Livi set about making the various things do their noisy thing.

Then more and more digging, and hoeing and digging and then the girls and I planted the pots while Graeme dug the huge stump out from back in the fejoa tree days. Wemust have just burried it over with more soil when we removed them all instead of actually taking it out.

Well heres to a plentiful and thriving Vegie Garden.

And i went out walking at 6:20am

So now its done for the day!!!. Amazing how many people are out and about at that hour of the morning. I took the girls again as Graeme went down to work so I couldnt really leave them home alone.

Now I just need to shwer and put the washing on and back out into the vegie garden. We cleared all the plants down that side last night so I just need to take the stones to the front garden and dig it and then go buy the plants.

I stayed pretty good bar the icecream yesterday. So come on cm's start falling off me please.

and i did it!!

I walked for 45 mins with hills. And came home and promptly had a small ice cream cone. So totally defeated the purpose of walking. DUMBARSE

WELL THE TRACKIES AND SHOES AND TSHIRT

Are on the body. We wont mention what it looks like. I have sweatshirts, and a blanket for the girls as its not the warmest here today. I am hoping that they will nod off to dreamland while I walk. Just need to remember the inhalers cause I am sure I will be huffing and puffing.

Time to stop kidding myself

I quite simply are still eating too much. I know I am. Ok so I arent putting on more weight BUT I am not decreasing either or only is minute amount. I MUST EXERCISE. I MUST EAT LESS, I know all this why the hell cant I just bloody do it. Cause I keep lying to myself ohhhh just this little bit of this will be alright. The rest of the day I have been good. Its the cold hard truth I still eat too much and dont do enough exercise. Plain and simple. No other obstacles just myself. I hope that by writing it down I internalize it and actually make it reality. I know it but its like its still bumping around outside the brain and not owning it or something.

I am going to have to find time to go out walking I think. When Graeme gets home although at this time of year its hard to know when he will get home from work. I should bung Emmy in the pram while Livi is at kindy and just go but I dont. Cuase I am too lazy to do it. Simple fat and lazy. Yep thats me. And I kid myself that the knocking back of food so far is enough. Its not. Its not nearly enough. I wonder if I should buy exercise clothes and put them on every morning and after I drop livi at kindy dont just walk home but KEEP ON WALKING. Up the hills, and back home. Then its done and dusted for the day. THat is what I should do and I know I should do it but already I finding reasons why it wont happen. Until I sort this mental block out the weight loss quite simply wont happen.

I hope that by writing this down and reading it again it is the start of the truth htting me and me accepting that truth. Why is it the truth isnt always easy to accept.

Heres the truth.

I AM OVERWEIGHT, Overweight and unattractive. The fat turns people off you. Its ugly. I hate being fat. Really hate it. I want to be a happy, fun attractive, slim, likeable person. But I have to more then want it I have to BE THAT PERSON. Do you start by getting slim first and then rest or do all at once. OH and I spend far far far too much time on the computer. Because sitting behind a computer screen you can hide away and creat an illusion that you are this confident, happy, enjoyable person to be around. FAT and HIDING thats me. I need a buddy who will come and get me and say right thats it fatty we are going walking NOW for once I am out walking I LOVE IT. Looking at gardens and houses for ideas, imaging the day when I win lotto and can build my dream house yeah yeah and lots of time for internalizing all sorts of thoughts.

I cant wait another day I must start today. After lunch I will pop the exercise gears on ( the ones that dont fit haahaahaaa) and walk down to get Livi and Keep on walking. Both girls will be well fed, and woke at half five this morning so can have a snooze while mummy huffs and puffs up the hill. Because I can not continue on this path of kidding myself.

*whispers* I like hiding in my house though its so easy to just stay in here and pretend I dont really care that I am fat and hideous.

AHHH BUGGER

Either I have measured wrong or the fact is I am still eating too much. Well that was depressing.

Ok feel the need to measure yet again

Yes yes I know stupid when it hasnt been a month but here goes. Wish my stupid scales woudl work would love to know if I have actually lost on them or not.

THIGH 64.5 cm

HIPS 105cm

WAIST 89cm

BUST 101cm

UPPER ARM 36cm

Now I have to go find the other measurements and see if they ahve changed.

WE ARE MAKING A EDIBLE GARDEN

Vegetable garden is not the in word but EDIBLE garden is. So thats will be this weekends big task. I want to grow lettuce, cucumber, tomatoes, peas, beans, watermelon, strawberries, carrots and I am sure I will find some other things as well. ME who HATE gardening heehe oh well I am looking forward to it as are the girls. We have decided it will be a part of their christmas present as well. Then on Chrissy day theycan get little gardening tools and shoes and gloves. Part of this is to hopefully save them from my bad eating and I so do not want them to have to struggle with fat later in life. Both are tiny wee things at present so hopefully they wont follow me down this path.

Actually that is a big thing that plays on my mind. What if through my shocking eating I have condemed them to weight issues in life as well?? AGRRGGHHHHHHHH I can only hope they are more sensible than me. They are already better than me they love a great range fruit, apples, oranges, bananas, kiwifruit, watermelon and any other melon for that matter. We are currently going through a non vegie phase but usually when they eating fruit well they do this then later they dont eat so much fruit and go on a vegie bender. But all in all each day they have way way more then 5 servings of fruit or vegie. So I hope that is a great start.

This weekend was rather boring. Started some Christmas shopping so about half way there now. And I paid a whopping amount of money on bills so between now and christmas there is NOTHING to be paid. Apart from buying some power. Actually it was scary the amount I put on telecom, rates and hey they are my only bills haahaa. We pre buy power, have no credit cards, have no hps so all that arrives in my mail box now is telecom and rates. No more SKY as we have gone freeview. So thats an extra $70 per month in my pocket YAY. More money to go away with haahaa. But anyway rates isnt due again til the next year telecom the same. Will pay them again before we go away as well.

We went for a family walk yesterday and walked about 6km. I pushed the lugs in their pram. Graeme walked the dog. I am sure I got the hard end of the stick.

My eating all weekend was GREAT though. Apart from Saturday I as so tired I had two sugar free V's. then I had a whopping headache on Sunday morning so I am blaming the V. I had a whole heap of marking delivered on Saturday and sat down in the afternoon adn did the whole lot. So will send that back today and maybe some more will come. Trying to get as much money in the accoutn before we go away as possible. We ahve $600 to take away and that should cover us fine we are going to a remote beach so only need food, diesel and lpg and thats it. NO SHOPS, no new year sales just blobbing. And its freedom camping so we should be fine and dandy. Diesel should only be hmmm about $100 there and back so that leaves me $500 for food for 9 days. HAHAA we shall eat well!!!!

This morning thanks to Emily we have been up since half five. Hence at 8am I have cleaned the house, done and hung out the washing, mowed the lawns, made all the beds, fed us, dressed and showered us, made kindy playlunch, and now have time to sit here and fill this in. Seeing as I havent all weekend. Right must be off now I fancy some baking today.

DIET BUGGARED TODAY

Well and truely. I had a very small portion of hot chips at kindy. And then mum bought me a fudge slice. NO TEA FOR ME TONIGHT.

THe sun is back and its hot. Tomorrow am going to attack the entire christmas shopping so its all done and dusted

Worked again today and it was great. Just a half day as I was the point 6 teacher. But thats fine with me. I enjoyed itall the same.

And with that I am off I have power to go get and groceries. YUCK I hate the supermarket.

AND THE WASHING WILL NOT DRY

IT IS PELTING DOWN ON MY WASHING. *sigh*

AHHHH I can relax now

As I have just completed the second box of jumbo marking invoiced it and boxed it up. Wow they are pushing the work through at the moment. I forgot how crazy end of year marking is. A lot of it is high school children doing it extramurally so to speak. You can really see a difference compared to a mother at home caring for other children. So a mothers experience really does give you insight to childcare paperwork without you even realizing it. YOu just get given fancy names and terms for things you already knew!!. All good though all good.

Our sunny weather has gone somewhere else and its decidely cold and going to rain. But it cant rain til my washing I hung out at 7am dries thankyou.

I am relieving again tomorrow. This is so fantastic I feel like I can make more contribution then just being a wife and mother!!. The money I have earnt this month from relieving pays for our trip up the corromandel and probably even some left over to find some bargains along the way. Thats without even touching our weekly wage!! I feel quite proud of that small achievment. Not to mention I have earnt just over double this month on marking as well. That will pay our GST bill haahaa. But again all good at least the money is there to cover expenses, wages, PAYE and GST. Better than having to ring the bank and saying help I have run out of money. And I even now enjoy doing PAYE and GST now I really know what I am doing. Me the girl who failed school C maths is doing maths related things and so far done it all right. That has to be a miracle.

Right I am turning off this computer now as I really do waste far far far too much time on it. Time that could be spent working on things like cleaning windows, more playing with the girls. Watching TV pmsl. Oh dear best I do not replace the computer with the television.

I am not lost Lisa I am here

Just been busy with PAYE and stuff to the accountant.

Well I have been very good but upon hearing the passing of Kyah I went and ate a caramel slice. And then got angry that I ate it and angry that nearly 3 year old should be taken from her parents by cancer. Then I howled for far too long and very strangely I feel much better. bizarre I know.

But all in all the last couple of days have been rather uneventful. Been searching for a playhouse to buy the girls for christmas but I have mansion taste on cardboard box budget!!! Hmmm somthing has to change there I think. Damn you lotto why can't I just win 500k. Thats all I need to pay off my mortgage, buy our dream motorhome and build on our second lounge. Thats all I dont want 10 mil or anything.

Livi told me today that her friend at kindy had a motorbike accident and cant come back to kindy again. I will have to ask the teachers about that one. Seems a tad strange but she was so adament about it. Emmy doesnt want to go to kindy anymore she wants to go to school. And wear a uniform and hat. I have no idea what makes that girls brain tick over but sometimes it ticking years ahead of her age. Maybe my GP is right and that she is going to exztra special he is so convinced that she is. He also thinks Livi's empathy levels are way beyond her years too. Now while that is good she is so sensitve. A classic example her and Emmy were playing mummies and pushign their dolls around when Emmy bumped into her. She cried so I went out there. "Emmy hurt my feelings and wont say sorry" so I asked Emmy to please hug your sister and love her some shes sad the darling Emmy replied "no fanks shes got boogers" oh dear Livi really cried then convinced that Emmy no longer loved her. AARRRGGGHHHHH. girls.

Anyway nothing really to report OH WAIT OH WAIT I wore a skirt today and and and it was size 14. ok ok ok it was a JK maternity skirt but but still it said size 14 and I will run with that!!!!

Finally I will pop up some piccys of my delights in life my girls.

Right thats one lot of pressure gone

Ok these arent where we spent the weekend but it does give you an idea of what camping and motorhoming is to us. Its an important part of our lives and our hobby we love doing. So thought I would add them in. I also have realized this isnt just a weight loss blog anymore its also becoming my thoughts and record of things we do. Kind of pointless but I am enjoying it at present. Who knows perhaps when I am old wrinkley and on death bed my grandchildren might enjoying reading about their grandmother. IF I manage to keep writing in this haahaa.

Thank goodness one lot of marking completed invoiced and boxed up just need to email the courier tomorrow morning. And another HUGE box sitting there. Very unusual to get two boxes in one hit normally get one a week at the most.

I really must remember to take the camera when we go away and get some photos of our great times we have.

Its really really hot here today horray I am over rain and cool days. Longing for those oh god it too hot days now.

I think I really must make more effort to exercise now. Walking to kindy and back albeit 4 times a day is not cutting it!! I must get a harder longer walk in my day somehow or the cross trainer. One or the other. It should be easy. But everything is easy in theory its the doing that gets hard. But it has to be done. Like now instead of going for a walk what am I doing. Oh sitting here on the computer. Perhaps the computer should go might achieve much much more then!! But when I am bored I sit down and internet away and EAT. They go hand in hand the computer and eating I think. Both need to stop.

Anyway while I marked away Emmy and Graeme wondered round mega 10. How they can spend so long in that shop is beyond me its boring after about hmm 30 seconds. But Emmy made a tower out of packing tape apparantly. I hope he put all the packing tape away afterwards. Livi has been glued to Angelina Ballerina mostly appart from a briet time at my side to ask if she could have a big dancing stage and costume to dance in for christmas. Yeah sure darlin will just build one for you NOT.

Graeme and miss full of beans arrived home and decideed to shave the dog. ALL ITS FUR OFF. Yes myLONG HAIRED dog is now shorn like a sheep. Apparantly this is easier at the beach ok that might be true less crap caught up in its fur that would be good. And less soggy wet fur in the motorhome would be great. The dog is obssessed with running in and out the blimen waves. And less fur for the biddy bids to stick in. Ok this could be good.

We went to Kairakau such a gorgeous wee beach with real golden sand. There were 8 other motorhomes al parked up so if you havent ever been there well 8 are getting near the freedom camping limit. And the variation is amazing in motorhomes. Little tiny things that I am guessing dont have an oven, shower or toilet. ARRGGGHHH how can you camp without those??? To us somewhere in middlesville to the friends we went with mansion motorhome!! Oh and even a dinosaur old bedford bus those poor people had to build a fire to cook on actually they love it and said haing a full oven, fridge/freezer, toilet and shower is not camping but cheating lol.

Havent fallen off just went away ... lisa ....

Managed to be pretty good even though we went away for the weekend. But have had a few marshmallows and chippies BUT we got told about a waterfall and sacred pond so we hiked to it.

Not so sure its sacred that might have been a bit of imagination I think. But I carried Emily all the way as well. MY arms nearly dropped off!!!!. We had to go through thigh deep water ocean water that is. Graeme and Livi were ahead of me and emmy and I looked up to see Graeme bend down adn Livi pick up something. It turned out to be a very wet drowned looking dog. OUR DOG. Never fear she came right. So up through this farm we went through knee high grass to the pond. It was beautiful when we got htere and extremely cold water despite being a very very hot day. Livi and Emmy both left their scent by peeing in the grass. Like dogs those two have to check out the toilets everywhere we go.

They slept in this morning which was a treat. Twent to Eight Emily woke up. We discovered that being a motorhome that late gets VERY HOT inside. Normally they are up at 6 so never stuck that before. But never mind it was a glorious day and we only came home as I have loads and loads of end of year marking that all has to be done. And I should be doing htat right now not in here. Graeme has taken Emmy into town to look at woodflooring for themotorhome as carpet at the beach is a pain int he bum. And Livi is watching Angelina Balerina.

Oh it was nice having Satelite dish and TV this time.

Finally I decided while out at the beach next year is MY YEAR. THE YEAR OF LIZ. I am putting in the hard groundwork NOW and will have a glorious wonderful finding me year. Looking forward to it already. Right marking is calling.

Another day ticks over

And I managed to be good. YAY back on track again.

I spent most of the morning at kindy with Livi for Wheels Day. She took her trike got there and all the decorations were out to decorate with. So she set about decorating while Emmy decided to play babies with a little girl I looked up and Emmy is in the play cots all tucked up, helped Livi by holding the trike still, look up Emmy is being wheeled by in a dolls pram pretending to cry next thing about 4 little girls are there patting her. Emmy lapped it all up, Livi looked up stormed over and promptly announced that it was her sister and that she would be Emmys mother. Emmy just sat there big grin. I also discovered shes a bit of a climber. Emmy is like a spider monkey up the ladders and down the slides at Kindy. No worries about her being happy or not I could see how much fun she has there.

Been a stunning day here warm and sunny. Could still get a bit hotter for my liking though. Food wise havent felt like eating so that hasnt been a problem.

I havent much to say today but so send peace and a safe journey to wee girl called Kyah who is ending her journey with cancer. She is about to turn 3 and is far far far too young to be leaving her parents.

Have lost it a bit today

I caved and bought a mars bar. and I ate it too. Now I feel silly for doing so. I mean I really didnt need it!!. But I only had a yoghurt for lunch to make up for it. But grrr at me. grr grr grrr

Its a lovely hot day here today. And we have walked to kindy 4 times and back so far today and I have a meeting there tonight so will be 5 times by time I do that as well. I should just move in there!!!. Emmy is exhausted. Totally and utterly whacked. I say she will be expired by 5ish. Shes on the couch now wanting to sleep but if she sleep now she will never go to bed. I hate days like this. I am trying to convince her the sandpit is calling her but she just flaps her arms at me and whinges something I can not understand.

Livi is tired too but much more pleasant than Emmy.

I havent cleaned a thing today and am running out of time. I should be off doing it not sitting here still. And grumpy is asleep. Oh dear. do I try and occupy her or leave her. ggrrrrggrrrr. Ring phone that will wake her up lol.

Right I must go make my house shine again.

I AM HUNGRY

Yep HUNGRY. Not going to eat though. Not going to eat. Not going to eat. Being skinny is worth the urge to eat. It really really is. Hmm if I say this long enough hopefully I will believe it lol.

Ok new photos and this is as close to undies as I get

And the dirty mirror is on purpse. Its how I feel about myself. Blurry disgusting and in need of a good sort out!!. So that is me today and HAHA I just miss Emmy in the bottom of the picture peeking out lol. So thats as close to an underwear picture that I will do. My arms are HUGE and I look pregnant side on. and I ARENT. WEll downwards from here downwards in size that is. God I used to have such lovely legs that were defined and muscluar and SKINNY. LISA remeind me of those days please. Lisa actually you may notice a difference from last time we saw each other as I am at least 7kg down from you were last in NZ. So I guess thats something. Anyway I have a dishwasher to unload and a load of washing to hang out.

Measuring got the better of me this morning

And I know I should wait at least a month. But I have a measure in front of me and it has been about a month since I properly last measured. So here goes.

THIGHS 65 cm (1cm lost)

HIPS 105cm (2cm lost)

WAIST 90cm (new measurement and I measured the true high waist)

BUST 100cm (new mesurement and without bra on)

UPPER ARM 37cm (new measurement)

So that indicates a loss assuming i measured correctly!!!!!.

WOW WOW WOW that helps that really helps. but man those measurements hurt the self esteem lots.

I have a moan tonight as little as it is

I had cheese toasties for dinner tonight. With the pityiful amount that weight watches says you can have so I stayed within a rough point guide today. I am not following weightwatches but have remembered the rough guide. Now let me just say the amount of cheese is no where near enough to satisfy the want of cheese. Infact it barely even enters on the taste buds. And yes I use weightwatchers cheese as well. So that was my cheese pfftt CH more like it sammy. Enough said I still feel ripped off!!!

I have been good again today. Well I hope I have. I really do wonder if I am still eating too much though and need to cut back further. So I will stick to what I am doing right now for another week or so give my body a chance to adjust to not eating and eating and eating and then cut back further. Oh wait I had a mallowpuff at graemes parents house this afternoon. Actually I dont like mallowpuffs they taste what I imagine peanut butter does and I cant stand peanut butter. And I have never in my life tasted peanut butter lol. So work that one out.

I certainly dont feel bloated anymore so that has to be a postive at the very least.

I am still blocked up and still feel rotten but nothing compared to yesterday. I feel ten times better then yesterday. And I really have nothing else to say tonight will down a milo soon and that will be me for today.

And today I am SICK

I guess the good thing of that is I dont feel like eating much. All blocked up, sore throat and headache. OH lucky me. On a good note I changed all the sheets and duvet covers and pillowcases on every bed this morning so we get to go to bed in lovely fresh clean sheets. And I got all the washing out and dry and ironed and put away by 1pm so at least I can just blob now. I also did all the housework this morning planning to sleep this afternoon. Well that hasnt panned out. I managed to doze for maybe half an hour.

But we have loads of food in the house now did the shopping this morning.I thought great go to pac n save and shop and go and it will be quick. NOOOOOO it was my random rescan to do so of course it took longer far too much longer I was feeling pretty rotten by that point.

So while they rescanned I got my lotto ticket. Now come one lotto come to the party just 500k will do. Then I can pay off the mortgage and buy a fantastic flash new motorhome and life will be sweet. Yeah yeah best we stick to plan A of working and paying off our mortgage ourselves.

Right now I am actually starving. Mainly cause I cant be bothered doing something else to stop feeling hungry and its so much easier just to walk to the pantry and eat. Actually its so easy to walk to the pantry and eat. BUT I shant. I shall hold out and be hungry. I think thats a key point there as well. Its easier to eat then it is to say no I wont eat. Although you wonder how on earth you got to be obese its actually really easy. And you dont notice one or two kgs this week another 1 next month, suddenly a year later you think FUCK look at me. Its kind of the same you dont notice losing one or two kgs. Its going to take a long time to do it so you dont stack it back on. Sadly there is no overnight fix just long hard slog for a good six months to a year. So reality is it will be this time next year before I am strutting myself in a hot bikini. And thats a depressing thought I want instant results.

Its clouding over and I am guessing its going to rain here very soon. I am frozen but I think thats due to being sick

Today we vote for our govt. Please please let labour be gone. I fear though they ahve people right where they want them NEEDING their assistance so they will indeed continuing to govern new zealand. While low and middle income are getting help in these time it seems those of us deemed rich (which by the way compared to rest of world income is just middle class) we just get nowhere. Sure we can pay our bills and eat and keep a roof over our heads but we arent getting ahead either. Just treading water. If you go and get a second part time job to fly ahead you just get secondary tax which makes a second job barely worth the effort in monetary gains just the satisfaction of saying well I have a second job. Our business sector needs some life injected into it good old labour seem intent on stifling this sector as best they can. Anyway I did my vote and its safe to say I voted National and not Labour. I can only wait for the results now.

I really want to go wallow in the bath and put my pjs on but will wait til Livi and Emmy are in bed to do that as there is no hope of peace while they are up. Emmy has decided her name is Milly. She corrects you everytime you call her anything but Milly funny girl. She also has a green snotty nose but she appears in good spirits unlike her mother.

Well Today has been Fabulous

I have had a really great day!! Foodwise and personally.

My only bad moment was a piece a small piece of choccy cake at work today. I even said no to fish n chips for lunch!!! The kindy has a cool community thing going where parents can order fish n chips on a friday for not only the kindy child but brothers and sisters as well and themselves and they all come in to eat lunch together. While the food isnt healthy as such it is a fabulous way to get families eating together and talking. And its only once a week so definately not an everyday thing.

And with that I had a great time back at work. Ahhh I have actually missed kindergarten teaching didnt realize that til today though!!. The teachers and kids were great. The day zoomed by and I was home before I realized.

Mum looked after the girls and must have been great as they told me to go back to work nana loved them now. Charming princesses I have lol.

But food wise I was pretty good. I havent even had the urge to go and eat as I have been occupied and had stuff to do. So I am right I eat when bored. So I have to either fight the urge to eat and remain bored or go and get busy. Getting busy would be more productive then doing nothing so getting busy in the obvious answer.

I certainly feel less bloated but of course am probably imagining it doubt you would notice a difference this fast. Try in a months time I will be very dissapointed if I havent lost any cms off my blubber body. And knowing my luck I probably wont have probably still need to cut my food back further. But I am working on that slowly. I dont want to just go into starvation mode straight off as that will only create failure. My new self thought theory is to cut back slowly so that by time I am eating enough to lose weight I wont be feeling hungry all the time so therefore less likely to fail. Its sounds good huh but in reality will it work. I can only hope as this is my current practice.

I feel some sort of bug coming on, this afternoon out of nowhere I got a very sore throat, dry lips and just feel very very tired. So I think its safe to say I have a bug.

Well thats me for today.

Thought I would explain who Lisa is

That leaves millions of comments for me. She is the most nastiest friend int he whole wide world cause she moved away from me!!. Well ok not quite.

We first met on our first day of third form at THS. We were in the same form class. I dont actually know how we drifted together that day but we did. We remained great friends all through highschool even though at times we went in different directions the beauty of our friendship is we can just walk back to each other any time and know we will never get turned away by the other person.

Lisa then decided to invite many peoples to her farewell leaving to live in america party with her boyfriend Mat. Only thing I rang her the night before what are you doing oh nothing much icing the wedding cake. WHAT ARE YOU DOING silence at the other end. I had to get in my car and go to her house yes the sneaky thing was getting married at her farewell party. And they somehow managed to keep most of the people in the dark. I was standing next to a friend as Lisa walked into the party in her wedding gown who was like "huh what oh my god". I had left my then fiance now husband at another event and by time I got back to him and told him Lisa and Mat got married he didnt believe me!!.

So off to the states they went. We continued our friendship via odd phone calls and mostly msn and skype. Thanks Mat many a time he did a remote assistance and got my computer up to speed. Then one day I said well Lisa I am having a baby. And she bombarded me with the most peciluar questions. I being a bit dumb thought nothing of her questions and just answered them. Then a few short days later she says "ok you didnt click did you I am pregnant too!!" Our due dates were a few days apart. Lisa had a dream pregnancy I was sick as a dog. Anyway the time came and I rang her mum first - another delight of being Lisa's friend is her wonderful mum - and said I had a baby girl Sept 24th at 8:02pm and Lisa's mum just laughed then said "I guess you havent heard from Lisa yet" No I hadnt but no Lisa couldnt wait her turn to be second and had her baby girl Emma on Sept 24th at 6pm. I WAS MEANT TO BE FIRST lol. Being in the States though technically a day apart but the birth certs dont say that. We say our girls are twinny's.

Then A year or so later hello we are both preggie again. This time Lisa was to be first me second. Should have been very close together. But again Lisa couldnt wait and had Ethan 2 weeks early and well Emily just wouldnt budge so was born about 6 weeks after Ethan. But again they are pretty close in age and can be twinnys too. And no we didnt plan this at all.

Lisa has 3 sisters and her sister Lorna or more affectionally Laundry is another wonderful friend. Laundry has her boy Fletcher and has just had Nina and I mean JUST. Lisa's mother has a mad house when everyone is home cause its not just the kids now its the grandies and tag along me too.

I am very very lucky to have such a wonderful friend as Lisa. So theres my life story with Lisa. And just ignore any three c's comments she makes. She is really making that up!!!!!.

I SOOOOO SOOO wanna EAT NOW

But I am NOT going to. I can outlast this desire to eat. I CAN I CAN. Emmy is in bed with a very green snotty nose so maybe she just isnt feeling well and thats part of her grumpiness.

On a good note I have another days relieving Nov 14th. Its rolling in now. Yay the extra money right on christmas will be brilliant. And for going away with as well. And there is the beauty of no work school holidays so I really do think this relieving is the best of both worlds.

I am finding I am actually enjoying putting my thoughts to paper as such. Its like I am working through my thoughts not shelving them away for another day.

I am really tired even though I actually had a great sleep last night and didnt wake up once but no I am still shattered. I could just lie down and close my eyes but with Livi running around not the best idea at all.

And finally the weather is of course turning to crap as the weekend is coming. Of course couldnt possibly be fine for the weekend could it. *sigh* am I every going to get nice weather out and about. I am beginning to think not.

OH boy Emily is in a foul mood

Well we are paying for the late night now!!!. So they stayed up we went outside for fireworks and DISASTER Livi staring crying and screaming so Emily joined in so we abandon that and put them to bed. And now Emily is shattered. So if she doesnt have a morning sleep I will keep her home from Kindy and she can sleep then!!

Freeview has made Livi a new friend. FRAGGLE ROCK. Even I sat down and watched it too lol.

Well last night I didnt want to eat after dinner so thats all great. I better be downsizing!. I am finding it ok at the moment. But then the first week is always easy its after that I find the hardest. But I want all those jeans in the wardrobe to fit with ease. I have about 8 pairs of size 12 ones so I want to be able to wear them all. Hopefully they will get too big on me.

Its a nice day here bit chily but should warm up. Hopefully it stays that way al weekend but I am not hopeful its predicted rain. It always rains every weekend. Am over it I had dreams of hot sunny weekends parked up in the motorhome at the beach, river or lake and chilling out. So far that isnt happening. FINE UP WEATHER.

Right Emily is having the biggest tired tanty you have seen and past ignoring now she wants to wear jandals she doesnt even own a pair of jandals. Oh the joys of a grump.

Here you go Lisa giving you something else to read lol. Well at least I have one person who will definately keep me honest. Actually if I get to your size we will have to save for a girls only no husbands, no kids trip to the states to go shopping lol.

Well I have been pretty damn good today. I did cave at lunchtime and had a top ten packet of burger rings. But otherwise I had no snacks just three meals three small meals. Three tiny meals lol.

Well we just cancelled SKY and got Freeview instead. More money to go away. Livi has just realized that the new Freeview doesnt have New Mcdonalds Farm and is currently in tears over Milly and Max. She has come to a strange conclusion that they dont love her and thats why they are no longer on our tv. OH dear. Who would have predicted that one. That and Hi5 are the only things she really loves. I am currently trying to explain that Angelina Ballerina will be on and Fraggle Rock. Far better then Milly and Max. Ok I concede defeat and we will go and buy a Milly and Max dvd.

Well tonight sees fireworks putting your money literally in bang and puff of smoke. Thats us. We if they stay awake til it gets dark be doing some. That will probably result in more tears as they are petrified of the fireworks. Yep that will make a great night lol.

Well my tummy is all full and I hope I have cut the food intake back enough to begin to make a difference. I am not sure how often I will measure as I would think once a week is too much so more likely once a month. God I dream about wearing a singlet top and shorts and feeling great and feeling like I arent a walking laughing point. That will feel so great.

And for now thats me. I am going to show Livi the cool new shows she can soon be watching. Whoever would have thought that a kid who might if I am lucky sit for 20 mins would be so in love with two funny aussue creatures lol.

My fake tan is kicking in

And my knees have a tad ompa loompa look to them so I arent putting anymore stuff on them but will continue the flabby thighs and legs. I feel better looking brown reality is though I dont actually look better. Never mind.

I really really wanted a packet of burgerings last night but I held off and went and lay in bed and watched telly at half seven instead. Then I watched Jaimie Oliver and the end of the movie on channel two which I have now seen about 3 times. So the result is I so did not want to get up and going this morning. But I did and find myself with 20mins to spare before taking Livi to kindy.

Kindy Lunches I just never know how much to pop in. I have decided I will not put packet food but rather make the things. Bar a yoghurt. I dont buy bought biscuits much now after watching Mr Oliver and his little speil on the hidden crap in bought stuff and also by baking I want my children to bake with me and know how to cook!!!. We already use his kids pancakes receipe and its fabulous. 1 cup flour, 1 cup milk 1 egg beat and cook. JUST YUMMY. I like baking anyway so its all good. But I do need to get more adventurous with the dinner time meals. I do the standard farm girl thing of meat and vegie. Although we rarely have potoatoes anymore. The girls are much better eaters then me and mostly eat what is put in front of them. But food time is no biggie here its simple. Either you eat or you go and play but nothing else is offered. I dont even say can you eat please. They know the rules. So after much debate over what I would feed her at lunch today i finally decided on one yoghurt, one apple, a crusket with butter (she wont have anything else on it lol) some shaved ham, and some little cheese crackers and a mother earth museli bar. And there you go there is packaged food lol. actuallly theres a small packet of Rashuns too lol so lots of packaged food lol. Hmmm didnt do too well there did I?. Never mind.

Thanks Lisa for your comments and you know my house is always open to you and the tribe. And for those that dont know Lisa which is probably most people reading the tribe can include the gorgeous Laundry (lisas sister Lorna) and her kids and sometimes her other sister as well. All good I love having you guys just wish you lived here instead of many miles away. And I see Lisa there is the gorgeous Nina to now meet. Congratulations Aunty Lisa lol.

I am not fazed at the moment still finding it realively ok apart from odd moments where I have to find something to do rather then eat. Like yesterday walking home from kindy I just wanted to go and get a mars bar. But I didnt. And I have quit drinking V drinks. I will have maybe one once a week but compared to one every day thats quite an achievement for me. Its at night after dinner when the girls are in bed that I want to raid the cupboards and have chocolate and chippies mainly. Funny thing is when we are off in the motorhome I hardly eat anything I guess because I am busy doing other things and going for walks and making sure the children are safe. At home I get bored and thats when I eat when I am bored!!. So the simple trick would be to get a full time job I think lol but thats not going to happen. So I need to find things like washing windows instead of eating. Then I will get skinny and my house will so clean and pretty. I kind of like that idea. Working Fridays will be great and keep my busy. I just realised I have never had time on my hands like I do now. All through high school I did atheletics so was either at school or training for that. I would get home to eat and sleep get up and start again. Weekends were taken up competing, travelling or more training. Then when I quit that I was working full time so either at work or home to eat and sleep. Its when I stopped everything but day to day duties and care of the children I got fat. So I figure boredom must play a part in that. I really dont understand how people can spend all day just doing the washing, ironing, vaccuming, and bed making. I can get all that done in just over an hour. Then I have a whole day to be bored. A whole day to eat and eat. Of course there are days when stuff takes longer but generally as I do all this everyday the house never gets that bad it takes a whole day. The kids are great at playing off their own steam and get annoyed with me if I interefer too much. And I am not into going to mainly music, gymnastic, swimming and all that sort of thing. I am a homebody and prefer to be at home.

So now I have what I believe to my downfall I EAT WHEN BORED I just have re occupy myself with something other than eating. That should be simple you would think but simple things are NEVER that simple. But if I am right then in theory I have the knowledge to break the habit.

To those that are following I read yours each day too and I really must start commenting. I cant wait til you see the dramatic downward trends in the measurements on mine and on yours. That will be a great exciting day.

Well first full day of putting less in the mouth.

So here we go!! And yes this font is rather bright isnt it lol. I bought myself a gradual fake tan in order to at least feel slighttly more presentable than lily white. So far I dont see much difference except my knees you can tell on them!!. I have built into the first few days one glass of coke as we bought some on Friday so it has to be finished and I havent had coke for years. ONE GLASS is what I keep saying not the whole bottle in one hit. ONE GLASS is fine the bottle isnt. And for me this is the key. Overall my diet is pretty much ok Graeme went through it last night. And he said its not what you eat its the amount you shovel in. So before I get totally mean on myself I am goign to cut portion sizes first then cut the crap as well. Yes I know I should go the full hog at once however thats in the past when I have failed so I am taking the new approach of sizes and portions then cutting down the crap.

I at first thought I wont write in this everyday but have since decided nah I will. Write it all down something I have never done before. But if I leave it empty for days on end how am I being accountable to it. I AM NOT. So here I go.

On a positive note I restart Kindergarten Relief teaching this week. I can only do Fridays at present when my mum is able to look after the girls. I am excited about this and its one way where I will have to tackle my hiding head on. As relief teachers who get the work are the ones who throw themselves in with gusto and make impressions. I really want to make a career out of Relife Teaching as I can still have the flexiblity of time off to go away, time off when my chidlren are sick etc etc. Plus I really do love the whole concept of Kindergarten I am very passionate about it. So much so I even want to be on the board fo Governance for our local Association. Some would find that incrediable boring but I find it an exciting prospect.

So what else about me. I live for my husband and children. We have created a wonderful lifestyle for ourselves in our eyes. We had children a little later then I would have liked due to deciding apart from the mortgage we would start parenthood off debt free. So we lived on his wage and mine cleared all our debt. A great feeling. Everything is OURS. and WE did it. I was 28 when I had Olivia and then 30 when I had Emily. And for me this is perfect. I dont want the boy I dont want another child. I am happy with my two princessess.

We are now self employed with our own contracting business. This came about after Graemes parents decided to sell the business. We had a years notice of this so were able to get great expert help financially to work out where to go. Our accoutant has been invaluable here. He is also my brothers best friend so I trust him and know that he wouldnt lead us astray. We had thought we would buy a rural mail delivery run to the point where we almost made an offer on one but with his advice we find ourselves in the contracting business. And its working out great. We both contract to our company and it so far is working out great. We have nearly tripled our income from wages and that is ag reat relief in this economic climate. We put our freshly renovated house on the market thinking we want the big flash new house. Thank god it didnt sell. We instead embarked on a new adventure.

We joined up to the New Zealand motor and caravan assciation and bought ourselves a four berth mororhome. OH my god what pleasure it brings. We try to get away nearly every wheekend. Over winter was hard as it had no solar panel and only electric heating. So we have added LPG heating, solar panel, gas detector, new step, new awning, and a few other bits and bobs to how we want it. Its such a fantastic lifestyle. I couldnt live in our current motorhome full time far too small but for what we do its perfect. Its not flash its not run down its somewhere in the average middle. We have seen our next one though just need a lotto win!!!! The girls have grown in confidence at first they wouldnt talk to another person and hide in the motorhome now they have the guts to go visiting others and talk to them. We hope to create a lifetime of camping memories. We are about to put sat dish and freeview onboard as well as its decidely boring in winter when they are asleep sittin ghtere twiddling your thumbs!!! Not to mention cut off from the world so being able to see the news again and shorty street will keep me happy!! And the cartoons will keep Olivia happy Emily has no interest in TV.

So theres a bit about me. A bit more to the real me. The real me that is hidden away to most and only the cloeset friends know th e real me. The hidden away and opinionated person others see isnt really me its a front to keep you away and let me wallow in self pity at myself. And that is now going to stop. The real me will shine on out eventually. And I want that ME to be someone I am PROUD of. SO this is not only a weightloss journey its also a soul seraching, deep questionning finding Liz journey. And I want to be able to look back on it and reflect now and then.

So the MEASUREMENTS and the PICUTRES

OK so this is the only face photo i have of me really. Bit sad that really but tis the way it is. I have since cut my hair into a shorter pob posh spice cut thing.

This photo is on holiday christmas new year last year up the east coast. I still look at it and go how the hell did I get this big.

I actually struggled to find pictures as I avoid them.

Ok measurements. blurk but must be done if I am to have a comparison to make. And Graeme has taken the tapemeasure so I will just do the ones I know

THIGH 66cm fat

HIPS 107cm fat

and those are all I know.

So How do I make This Work For ME

With honesty I think. The things I pondered while vaccuuming. Do I like who I am?? Hmmmm how do you answer that to move forward well with the hard stuff first. No I dont like entirely who I have become. I am percieved as snobby and a slighty conceited attitude. But I am not really like that. I somewhere along the way have lost the confidence that I used to have. I prefer to hide in the background now as I honestly think people look and think "geez to let your body look like that is disgusting" and yes I will admit it bothers me what other people think. So its easier to just hang back and wait for some person to come to me. And I am noticing that happens less and less its just so easier to hide in my own little world. Face to face i find damn hard communicating via phone, net, email, text I find so much easier at present. And really thats NOT HEALTHY at all. It should be the other way round. So that must change and start now as well. I have to make the effort to say Hi, and to start conversations.
Haahaaa I say this and have made my accountablity via internet.

I do like some parts of me but I will leave them out as I dont like doing that sort of stuff. Far easier to pick out the crappy bits and work on them.

I just had a very good friend point out I am hiding again already behind my profile pic by putting up my girls instead of me. Ok I will work on changing that slowly first I need the guts to me up.

Another area I need to overcome is the fear of eating out. Strange I know but true. I am a fusspot I actually dont like food very much hard to believe from an obese person I know. But I dont. I have a very limited diet which in itself is ok but the portion sizes and the amount is the problem. I hate eating out as I often dont like the food and get a bowl of fries and breads instead. And then I feel stupid so sit there and eat myself stupid while I try to hide in the activity of eating so no one can talk to me about my limited food I eat. Crap I do a lot of hiding.

So if tomorrow my high school said reunion would I go HELL NO. Because in my mind I have already decided what people will think of me now. Fat, Stuck up, Unfriendly, Hard to talk to, Boring, and why did she bother to come if she is just going to be in the corner.

That has to change I want to be the person who is like HELL YES I want to catch up with everyone.

Hmmm it kind of saddens me to read back what I have written as deep down I know its the truth and I also know thats not really ME. Not the old ME and I want the old ME back.

WELL THE JOURNEY TO FABULOUS STARTS NOW

Well here goes. The dream of being bikini material starts here and now. 15 years ago and I would have never dreamt that I would be on this journery as I was a size 8 incrediably fit doing competive athletics and looking back I realize I had a great body shape and weight. Somehow I am not sure how I have got to be obese according to my BMI. That in itself is painful and humliating and hard to admit let alone say out loud let alone blogg it but I need a journey where I am accountable to something more physical than just me. So a blogg it is. I am not weighing in though I am measuring as my guide to am I losing. Mainly as the scales are broken and I weigh anything from 4k to 140kg on them lol. Reality is I am around the 83 -85kg mark. So where do I want to go. Well I want to be able to throw open the motorhome door and stand in the doorway in a bikini and people go "yeah that body is great thats what I want" reality is I wont actually wear the bikini but I just want to be at that size and feeling.
I know quite simply what goes in mouth is far far far too much compared to the output so hence I am obese. So I have to very easily lessen the intake. If only it were that easy!!. I kind of like my bad food but I cant like it anymore its bye bye.
I also dont want my two girls having a weight issue in their adult life. Vain it maybe but it hurts being obese and unless you have been there I dont think you can understand the emotional toil it creates within you.
Anyway the mission of being a hot body begins. And now I am accountable. To a page in cyberspace but still its being accountable as I shall send it on to friends and family who WILL kick my arse and keep me in line wont you Donna and Lisa.
I will come back tonight with the hideous measurements.